I was stopped at a red light one day, and you know how it is – you look around at other cars while you kill those two or three minutes waiting for the green.  I glanced up into my rearview mirror and noticed the young woman in the car behind mine.

She was crying. 

I watched. 

She wasn’t whimpering.  She was weeping.  Hard, painful crying.  She looked bereft and heartbroken. 

My imagination started churning.  Did she break up with a boyfriend?  Had someone died?  Maybe she lost her job?

I had a crazy urge to get out of my car and run back to hers.  I know that was impractical, unsafe and would probably make the drivers of the long line of cars behind her furious. What

would she do if I approached her?  Be grateful for my concern or think I was out of line for prying?

I imagined there were TV cameras around me hidden in the trees and that John Quinones of the TV show What Would You Do? Was about to pop out at any time.  Maybe they were doing a show on whether people gave a hoot about the pain of total strangers.

I’ve thought long and hard about that time.  What would I have done if she’d been sitting at a bus stop and I’d walked by?  Would I have stopped? 

Being that my career is immersed in dealing with the pain of domestic violence and it’s spillover to the workplace, I believe I would have stopped.  I picture myself saying to her, “You look so sad.  If you’ll talk with me for a moment, I promise to listen without judging.  Maybe just talking will help.”

I can’t guarantee if that would work.  But I hate to imagine never trying, and always wondering if I could’ve helped.  Some day, if they haven’t done it already, there will be an episode of What Would You Do? that watches to see if folks would reach out to a total stranger in emotional pain.

Cameras in the trees or not – what would you do?

Crying · Domestic Violence · domestic violence in the workplace · domestic violence prevention · personal safety · stress in the workplace · tears · traffic

Click link to watch this 1 minute video!    Announcing TheDVU

Coaching · consulting · Counselors · depression · domestic abuse · Domestic Violence · domestic violence prevention · Social Workers · stress in the workplace · Therapists · training · victim’s rights · violence

She was hidden away and invisible to the outside world.  I imagine she felt forgotten; like she didn’t exist at all.  Read Laura’s heartbreaking story.  Then applaud her will to live and tenacity to survive; and remember there are likely hundreds of other women out there that are jailed inside their homes.   How will you see them and how will you help? http://tiny.cc/3bcdj

crime victim’s rights · depression · domestic abuse · domestic violence prevention · personal safety · prevention · victim’s rights · violence

Serrated

Kudos to Superior Court Judge Susan Brnovich for getting tougher on DV.  http://tiny.cc/hve1r . In this case, the accused killer of Jamie Laiaddee, Rick Valentini gets 42 years plus an additional 12 for other fraud charges.  Bronovich was the prosecutor in 2002 for Tracy’s case which led to dismal and disappointing sentence http://tiny.cc/wbapi

In October of 2010, Tracy and I had the opportunity to speak to a room full of City of Phoenix Prosecutors and they were stunned as well when they learned how lax the sentence was for Tracy’s ex-husband. 

Tracy and I were not passing judgment of our own, nor pointing fingers.  What we expressed to the crowd was a combination problem.  A lack of strong [prosecution mired with restrictions from a judge who appeared to sympathize with Tracy’s ex-husband.  How else would you attempt to explain the judge barring so much impactful and clearly relevant information from being brought to the jury’s attention?  For example, information like her ex-husband’s nearly identical attack with a knife on a former girlfriend?  The very girlfriend who wanted to testify on Tracy’s behalf in support of the prosecution and was not allowed to by the then judge.  The “excited utterance” was also not allowed.  This was the statement Tracy made to the very first person who came in contact with her, the EMT, to whom she said “my husband did this”.  And yet the judge wouldn’t allow the statement since it was uttered beyond two minutes of the attack.  (So by his own rules he’d reinforced the truth that the attack lasted for nearly two hours!)

Serrated is a mind boggling, anger inducing book.  It’s a must read that will propel you to speak out, as we have, to serve justice the way it should be served.

domestic abuse · Domestic Violence · domestic violence at work · domestic violence prevention · lawsuit · murder · Personal Safety · prosecution · risk · victim · victim’s rights · violence

Statistics show that:

13% of Americans are likely to have heart disease¹

Almost 20% of Americans are likely to have diabetes¹

One in eight women or 12.6% will have breast cancer¹

One in six men will develop prostate cancer¹

As of 2006, the CDC reports that an estimated 36,828people per 100,000 are infected with HIV²

More than 200,000 people — are unaware they’re infected³

If American adults have come to accept these facts, as the vast majority of them have, then why is it still so hard to accept the fact that 85% of women and 15% of men are victims of abuse?Just like the above health statistics we understand there are a number of unreported cases so the numbers should be higher that what you see presented.The same is true for domestic violence.Lastly, when you think of the above noted health statistics you know that until someone’s illness is really in advanced stages you will probably never know someone is ill just by looking at them.The same is undeniably true with domestic abuse.

You don’t know when someone is suffering. You have to have reached a point of trust where the victim is comfortable enough, and feeling safe enough to open up to you.You need to be personally at a point where you understand enough about the dynamics of abuse that you can approach someone you suspect is victimized without jeopardizing their trust and personal safety.

I once had the VP of Human Resources of a very large international organization of 58,000 employees worldwide; boast to me “it doesn’t happen in my company, I never hear about it.”Well, sadly that’s statistically impossible.Even more sad was the fact that this VP didn’t have his ear to the ground enough to even know what was going one in his organization.

Do any of your employees exhibit any of the following?

• Become quiet when he/she is around their partner or ex-partner and feel afraid of making him/her angry?
• Cancel plans at the last minute?
• Not have access to money?
• Have their attire dictated to them?
• Stop seeing friends and family members, becoming more and more isolated?
• Explaining bruises to family, coworker’s or friends?

These are only a few of the possible signs of abuse. No one is immune from domestic violence and there are many available resources.Like the VP of Human Resources I mentioned, you don’t have to see it or hear of it for it to be happening and I’m available to help your organization by visiting:www.hressential.com

Check out other resources too like The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence http://www.ncadv.org/

¹wikianswers.com

²Centers for Disease Control

³Kenneth Mayer of Brown University

bottom line · business · Coaching · company · conflict · consulting · costs · domestic abuse · employees · employer · family · lawsuit · legal · management · offender · Personal Safety · relationships · risk · training · victim · violence

NEWS

“It Doesn’t Make Sense and Its Costing Us Millions – A Strategic Domestic Abuse Initiative for Human Resource Professionals” designed for employers, CEOs, CFOs and business owners, has been recertified by the Human Resource Certification Institute (HRCI) for continuing education credits.  The new recertification is for January 1, 2012 – December 31, 2012.

The program, provided by Human Resource Essential, a business that specializes in public speaking, awareness programs and training on domestic violence, is approved for 2.0 Strategic recertification credit hours toward Professional in Human Resources (PHR), Senior Professional in Human Resources (SPHR) and Global Professional in Human Resources (GPHR).

 “This approval validates the need for employers to recognize the human and financial costs of domestic violence, and how to create an environment which will enable employees to come forward for help,” said Stephanie Angelo, owner of Human Resource Essential. “If you’re responsible for state and federal compliance and your business’ bottom line, this program is for you. Lost workdays and lost productivity are known as the biggest siphons of corporate profitability we have. These siphons usually are created by things that are happening outside the workplace. Small changes have the biggest results, and employers are in the unique position to make those changes; simultaneously they must ensure state and federal compliance.”

Family abuse/violence is a subject that is not easily addressed because there are many people who deny its existence or the magnitude. Many people have trouble facing the possibility of having to deal with the serious effects it has on their employees personally and professionally; and that the organization, in turn, pays the price.

This program, available in live and we based versions, illustrates the costs to the business bottom line. Participants leave with a view of cost affected areas, a violence prevention plan, look at case histories and learn how to proactively achieve non-abuse through strategies to create a legally compliant, healthier, safer workforce.

Human Resource Essential’s work saves US companies $7.9 M in lost workdays alone each year, using a comprehensive and strategic method which yields long-term results. 

Clients primarily include insurance companies, financial institutions and retailers. 

As a multiple award-winning expert in domestic violence’s effects on the workplace, Stephanie Angelo, SPHR, ensures participants gain practical ideas and skills which immediately inspire them and increase their ability to address this workplace issue.  Clients report decreased turnover, reductions in workplace incidents, noticeable changes in affected individuals, and

positive changes in corporate culture.

For more information and to schedule training programs with Human Resource Essential, please call (480) 726-9833 or visit http://www.hressential.com.

Coaching · domestic abuse · Domestic Violence · domestic violence in the workplace · employees · GPHR · HRCI · Personal Safety · PHR · SPHR · strategic leadership · training · victim · violence

When I was a little girl, my older brother sometimes pretended to fly like Superman, jumping from couch to chair with a makeshift cape over his shoulders.  I was ten years old the first time I really saw him fly.  That was when my mother’s boyfriend launched him from the living room to the dining room – where he crashed to the floor in a heap.  My brother wasn’t trying to be a superhero, but he was trying to stop this man from hurting our mother.

The boyfriend came and went over the next six years, finally disappearing when I was sixteen. Each time he left my relief was immense. Each time he came back my disappointment was crushing.

My brother and I used to take long walks at night just to get out of the house. I remember one night crunching through snow in five-degree-below-zero weather trying to figure out how we could become emancipated at the ages of twelve and fourteen. Our options looked pretty grim so we dropped the idea and waited for the years to go by till we could be free.

When you’re a kid living with abuse in the home it’s like living on an earth quake’s fault line. You never know when the ground is going to come out from under you. Nothing is safe or secure.  You never know who’s next or what will set it off. You don’t want friends over because something might happen when they’re there.  There’s no one to talk to.  You hold your breath – all the time.  (From my book Battered and Abused, Bringing the Darkness into the Light)

Domestic violence affects every member of the family, including the children. Family violence creates a home environment where children live in constant fear.

Children who witness family violence are affected in ways similar to children who are physically abused. They are often unable to establish nurturing bonds with either parent Children are at greater risk for abuse and neglect if they live in a violent home.

Statistics show that over 3 million children witness violence in their home each year. Those who see and hear violence in the home suffer physically and emotionally.

“Families under stress produce children under stress. If a spouse is being abused and there are children in the home, the children are affected by the abuse.” (Ackerman and Pickering, 1989)

Research shows without question that children will react in different ways.  Variables are due to the child’s gender, age, what they witnessed, if there was someone giving them appropriate love and support, and other factors.  Still children exposed to family violence are more likely to develop social, emotional, psychological and or behavioral problems than those who aren’t.  They experience, lower self-esteem, depression, health issues, growth and development problems.  They may avoid going to school, and once there are often too distracted to do well.  Interviews with teachers has indicated that they are often spending significant time with children with these issues, to the detriment of the other students.

When employers provide resources, support systems and counseling services to their workforce they do a tremendous service to their employees to show they care.  Since often times the workplace is the only possible source of information for an employee who’s every action is monitored by a controlling partner, you can imagine how great it is to be able to find resources for help at the workplace.

Employers who have a qualified Employee Assistance Provider (EAP) in house, or on contract, prove to their employees that they aren’t just blowing smoke in terms of being employee friendly.  They’re walking the talk.  And it comes back to them tenfold in a loyal workforce.  That’s when the employer is the real superhero.

children · Coaching · consulting · domestic abuse · domestic violence in the workplace · domestic violence prevention · employees · employer · leadership development · management · Personal Safety · relationships · strategic leadership · victim

There were quite a few entrants!  Although, interestingly, they were all female. I thought that was both surprising, and not surprising.  It surprised me because 85% of domestic violence and abuse victims are women.  So it would stand to reason more would want to participate in the contest and submit their views.  This was intended to hear your thoughts on domestic violence in the workplace and personal safety.

But men keep telling me they are not being heard.  Even if a Starbuck’s gift card contest was not high on their list of ways to be heard – it’s still something.  So, frankly, I’m disappointed.  Guys, you were invited to speak up and enter your observations and your thoughts.  It would have taken you the same five minutes it took the women.  We are all busy.   You had your chance.

I’m going to randomly select comments submitted by entrants to include in my newsletter, tweets and my blog.  Because we all benefit from the insights of people whose personal antennae changed to what they saw around them; from news stories, or friends and family members struggling with intimate partner violence as a result of Human Resource Essential’s work.

I wrote all the entrant’s names on same-size slips of paper and drew one out of the bucket.

Dawn Brockman won the $50 Starbucks gift card!  Just in time for pumpkin frappes and peppermint lattes!  Enjoy the card, Dawn, and thank you for participating!

collaboration · conversation · domestic violence in the workplace · domestic violence prevention · employees · relationships · stress in the workplace · team work · violence

I like to read the newspaper from cover to cover.  At least to check out the headlines then choose which articles to read.  Yesterday, on the final day of domestic violence Awareness Month, I came across this Letter to the Editor.  It’s written by my friend, Connie Phillips, who is the Executive Director of Sojourner Center, the country’s largest domestic violence shelter, which is right here in Phoenix.

I sent her a congratulatory email, and mentioned that I’d also submitted a letter to the Editor a month ago, which has not yet run.  If it doesn’t, I may just post it here on my Domestic Violence in the Workplace blog.

Check out what a great letter Connie wrote:

Phillips: Law needs to take domestic violence seriously

business · Coaching · conversation · domestic abuse · domestic violence in the workplace · employees · Personal Safety · strategic leadership · victim · violence

Stevie Award Winners to Be Announced in New York on November 11

Tempe, Arizona – Oct. 13, 2011– Human Resource Essential, LLC was named a Finalist in the Best Entrepreneur – Service Businesses – Up to 100 Employees category in the 8th annual Stevie Awards for Women in Business.

The Stevie Awards for Women in Business honor women executives, entrepreneurs, and the companies they run – worldwide.  The Stevie Awards have been hailed as the world’s premier business awards.

Nicknamed the Steviesfor the Greek word “crowned,” winners will be announced during a gala event at the Marriott Marquis Hotel in New York on Friday, November 11.  Nominated women executives and entrepreneurs from the U.S.A and several other countries are expected to attend.   The presentations will be broadcast live on radio in the U.S.A. by the Business TalkRadio Network.

The happy irony for Stephanie Angelo, Founder & CEO, is that her name also means “the crowned one”.

More than 1,300 entries – a record for the competition – were submitted this year for consideration in 75 categories, including Best Executive, Best Entrepreneur, Women Helping Women, and Communications Campaign of the Year.  Human Resource Essential, LLC is a Finalist in the category Best Entrepreneur – Service Businesses – Up to 100 Employees.

The term at a crossroads” typically means that one doesn’t know which way to turn and what to do.  When Stephanie hit a crossroads in her career as an independent consultant, she realized it was really an “intersection”; past abuse as a child meeting with professional experience in HR. Stephanie realized Human Resource and Management were misinformed and often unprepared to handle domestic abuse spillover into the workplace.

“I’m pleased we found a subject matter expert who specifically addresses the complex dynamics of DV in the workplace from the management and human resource perspective.” said Bobbie J. Fox, Esq. of SCF Arizona

Finalists were chosen by business professionals worldwide during preliminary judging.

Members of the six final judging committees will select Stevie Award winners from among the Finalists during final judging.

“Women entrepreneurs and executives continue to innovate, excel, and impress,” said Michael Gallagher, president of the Stevie Awards.  “Regardless of general economic conditions, the achievements of women-owned and –run organizations around the world remain high, and are reflected in this year’s impressive body of Finalists.”

Details about the Stevie Awards for Women in Business and the list of Finalists in all categories are available at www.stevieawards.com/women.

About Human Resource Essential, LLC

Human Resource Essential, LLC, located in Tempe, Arizona pioneered a process which translates domestic abuse to determine the financial impact on organizations. We specialize in delivering intimate partner violence organizational impact and training, management consulting and program support for ongoing change.  Learn more about Human Resource Essential at http://www.hressential.com/

business · Coaching · company · domestic abuse · domestic violence in the workplace · domestic violence prevention · employees · employer · leadership development · management · strategic leadership · training