I came across this blog which I thought was very well written. I agree with the facts stated as well. One thing we have to note is while the article is called “Why Do So Many Men Die as a Result of Domestic Violence?” What we’re looking at and need to address is “why do so many people die as a result of domestic violence? That’s the problem as far as I’m concerned.
Read the article. There are also some interesting comments and debates going on in that post.
The following was released by the National Center for Victims of Crime. There are tremendous resources on this site and I wanted to share it with my readers.
– Stephanie
Released 1/28/2010
Dear Colleague:
The National Center for Victims of Crime is proud to present the 2010 National Crime Victims Rights Week Resource Guide (NCVRW), prepared in partnership with the Office for Victims of Crime (OVC), Office of Justice Programs, U.S. Department of Justice. The 2010 NCVRW Resource Guide includes a wealth of ideas and tools to help your community plan an exceptional National Crime Victims Rights Week.
This years theme-Crime Victims Rights: Fairness. Dignity.
Respect.-captures the ideals that inspired the victims rights movement. Only a few decades ago, shocking numbers of crime victims experienced unfairness, indignities, and disrespect. Yet years of work by victims and advocates led to thousands of statutes and 32 state constitutional amendments that establish victims rights. Every year, we celebrate that progress and commit ourselves to ensuring that all victims know about and can exercise these rights.
The National Center for Victims of Crime is pleased to announce that the 2010 National Crime Victims Rights Week Resource Guide is available for download on the National Centers Web site. Visit www.ncvc.org/2010NCVRW to check out the great resources available to help you and your organization commemorate 2010 National Crime Victims Rights Week.
Sincerely,
Jeffrey R. Dion
Acting Executive Director
National Center for Victims of Crime
Dear Readers: A few weeks ago I emailed, to my data base, and Tweeted a link to an outstanding video by the Department of Homeland Security about how ordinary people can do extraordinary things by using their instincts. Among those that received the video link from me, was my colleague and friend, Larry Kaminer, President of The Personal Safety Group.
As a result, Larry wrote this blog, which so perfectly addresses the point that I wanted to share it with my readers. It’s interesting, too, that Larry mentions Gavin de Becker. Several years ago Mr. de Becker gave me permission to use elements of his work in some of my KidzWeyes, LLC programs. Below is Larry’s post. Stephanie
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“Ordinary people can stop extraordinary events” – Department of Homeland Security
I was sent this link to a Department of Home Land Security video on the importance of awareness at retail outlets and shopping malls with regard to suspicious behavior. DHS has the very difficult job of keeping us safe and informed without alarming or scaring the public. This is especially true of their efforts to protect us from an act of terrorism here on American soil.
This 9 minute video is worth watching.
Upon viewing it you may very well say to yourself:
-All of this is common sense.
-So why did you urge me to watch this video?
Well here is my answer to that reasonable question. The big take away I got from this video had nothing to do with common sense. It had to do with obeying our instincts.
Gavin de Becker in his book The Gift of Fear, describes intuitions as “knowing without knowing why”. The best description of this natural defensive mechanism I have every heard.
All too often during our personal safety training classes we hear stories from victims of crime, whom upon reflecting on their ordeals went on to describe clear pre crime indictors and other elements that “just didn’t seem right” before the crime even occurred. Things that gave them a “bad feeling” but things they ignored. They also share with us the stories they told themselves to push aside their intuition in an attempt to justify not acting on their instincts.
Our societal encoding very often prompts us to deem our instincts or intuition as “silly” or “irrational” Even with every red light going off in our heads that something is amiss, we are also hesitant to honor that “gut feeling” out of fear of embarrassing someone (or ourselves) or hurting someone else’s feelings. Or perhaps not wanting to be the one to “create a scene” in case it “turned out to be nothing”
We use a cliché in personal safety that I think should become our encoded credo. “There is no harm in a false alarm” Regardless of the situation you are in, you should always honor your instincts and override any little voice in your head telling you to do otherwise.
Mall security, the police, any agency, would much prefer you report suspicious behavior. This gives them the chance to evaluate. Let them be the ones to thank you for your vigilance and to let you know it turned out to be nothing. And they will be grateful for your concern and diligence in reporting.
An alert yet relaxed and observant general public can be the extended network of eyes and ears for law enforcement.
Please watch this video with your family and especially your children if they are of age to be out and about and at the mall without you.
And remember, as DHS so succinctly states, “Ordinary people can stop extraordinary events”
Fearless Blogathon leader, Jackie Dishner had a great suggestion for those of us in the blogging group. To celebrate our 15th day of the Blogathon, Jackie suggested we could write our 15 favorites on a given topic; one of which could be our work. I’m going with that one. So here it is in quick list format.
In no specific order – I just started typing as the ideas came to me.
I’d love to hear from my readers if any of these items resonate with you.
If you were to re-order this, what order would you put these 15 items? Why?
Check out my fellow bloggers too!
Jackie Dishner
BIKE WITH JACKIE
http://bikewithjackie.blogspot.com
Susan Ratliff, Exhibit Expert
Bling My Booth
Stephanie Angelo
Human Resource Essential Blog
http://hressential.com/wordpress/
Greg Peterson
Down On The Urban Farm
http://www.yourguidetogreen.com/TheUrbanFarm/
Bonnie Mattick
YourBusinessDetective
http://www.YourBusinessDetective.com
Andrea Beaulieu
True Potential
http://www.TruePotentialBlog.com
Conspiracy of Love
http://www.ConspiracyOfLove.net
Beth Terry
Cactus Wrangler
http://www.CactusWrangler.com
Debra Exner
Collaboration Pays Off
http://collaborationpaysoff.wordpress.com
Deborah M Dubree
I’ll have a new name this week
http://www.deborahdubree.com/blog
Eileen Proctor
The Top Dog’s Blog
http://thetopdogsblog.blogspot.com/
Suzanne Holman
Boomer Health…Wealth…Family…Adventure
http://www.suzanneholman.com/blog
Dr. Eileen R. Borris
Finding Forgiveness
http://findingforgiveness.blogspot.com
Mimi Meredith
Bloomin’ Blog
Many of you know that in additional to Human Resource essential, LLC, I also own and operate KidzWeyes, LLC, which conducts safety seminars for children, teens and adults on the behaviors, methods and characteristics of people who prey on kids.
I’ve had the privilege of doing national workshops and producing the first-ever interactive safety DVD for kids. I’ve also been on the news several times. Visit the website www.KidzWeyes.com for more!
Here’s a clip from the most recent Fox 10 interview.
“Protecting Kids From Naughty Twitter”
Updated: Tuesday, 12 Jan 2010, 9:37 PM MST
Published : Tuesday, 12 Jan 2010, 9:38 PM MST
Twitter has become a popular communication tool. But if you’re not careful, it can expose children to some very adult stuff.
FOX 10’s Keith Yaskin reports.
Watch the TV news clip:
http://www.myfoxphoenix.com/dpp/news/only_on_fox/twitter-protection-1-12-2010
My Blogathon buddies have been asking questions about abuse in its various forms and what all of us can do about it. I love that “what can we do about it” mentality because it doesn’t just push this social issue off as someone else’s responsibility.
Bonnie asked about the daughter of a friend who can’t break away from an abusive boyfriend because she doesn’t recognize that she’s being controlled. That’s all too common a problem; everyone else can see it except the person it’s happening to. And when you try to tell them about it then you become the “bad guy” and the enemy for trying to steer them away from someone they love. It often has the very opposite effect of what we want – it steers the victim more into their blindly devoted relationship. And don’t those controlling, abusive love that? Absolutely. It gives them the ammunition to say, “Oh, your friends (family, clergy, etc.) just don’t like me. They’re trying to make you break up with me. But you know I’m the best thing that ever happened to you and you’d be nothing without me.” And a whole lot of other things to that effect.
So here are some things I have available from my workshops with teens called, TIPS (Teens Involved in Personal Safety) that I thought I’d share with you.
Are you going out with someone who…
If you answered “yes” to any of these questions you could be the victim of dating abuse. Dating violence or abuse affects one in ten teen couples. Abuse isn’t just hitting. It’s yelling, threatening, name-calling, saying “I’ll kill myself if you leave me”, obsessive phone calling, and extreme possessiveness.
What If You Want Out?
Being a Friend to a Victim of Abuse
Most teens talk to other teens about their problems. If a friend tells you he or she is being victimized, here are some suggestions on how you can help.
What to do if your friend is in an abusive relationship:
One of my fellow bloggers, Jackie, asked a really interesting question. If she’s wondering about this then probably a lot of others are too. Jackie asked me “Should an employee tell her employer if she’s filed an order of protection why or why not?”
First there a lot of why’s and only one why not that I can think of (or that falls under my philosophy of employer thinking) but I’ll get to that later.
Jackie’s question refers to the victim as a she. Most of us would tend to that. We do have male victims though. Domestic violence statistics show (and there’s always under reporting on both sides of the equation) that males are victims in about 25% of all DV cases, making women the victim the other 75 percent of the time.
To get to answering Jackie’s question, I start with the company policy. I’m adamant that employers have language in their domestic violence policy that when an employee files an order of protection (OOP) or injunction against harassment (IAH)1 that the employer is named as a protected entity the offender cannot access. This helps keep the premises and the others in the organization protected. The policy should also require that if the company is named, that the employee has an obligation to inform management, Human Resources and security; or whoever the appropriate party is in the organization. With my clients we look at the appropriate channels they have in place and who’s received the appropriate training on Domestic violence in the workplace. Additional steps typically accompany this notification, namely a photo of the offender, description, vehicle description, and any other information that would help give advance warning if the offender showed up on or near the premises.
Employers have an obligation to protect their employees and to maintain an environment that is safe, healthy and free from known hazards. If they don’t know about something such as an OOP, they’ll have a really hard time doing anything about it. If channels aren’t in place we make it happen, if all levels of the organization aren’t trained on domestic violence and their roles, responsibilities and the effects of domestic violence, we make that happen too. That’s where the domestic violence training and coaching comes in.
What employer wouldn’t want to do everything they can to mitigate potentially dangerous situations and protect all of their employees? Let alone the thousands – and up to multi-millions of dollars that have been awarded to other plaintiffs and their families when the employer failed to take all possible steps?
That brings me to the second part of Jackie’s question. “Why not tell the employer if there’s been an order or protection?”
Well the employee wouldn’t want to if they work for the type of company that I referred to in my December 22nd “Kiss of Death” blog. The kind of company that would fire an employee that came forward with a personal problem and (gasp!) reached out to the employer for help. Or the type of company, like the one I once worked for, that had a human resource manager, in a sister division, that was so out of touch with reality that she screamed at a woman who needed her help and re-victimized her after the employee declined a job transfer.
But there aren’t any employers like that…are there?
1In the state of Arizona the difference is based on the relationship between the parties:
*An Order of Protection is used for a “family” relationship between you and the Defendant. This can include one of the following: 1) married now or in the past, 2) live together now or lived together in the past, 3) parent of a child in common, 4) one of you is pregnant by the other, 5) you are related by blood or court order as your parent, grandparent, child, grandchild, brother, or sister, 6) you are related by marriage as your parent-in-law, grandparent-in-law, stepchild, step-grandchild, brother-in-law, sister-in-law, stepparent or step-grandparent, 7) person who resides or who has resided in the same household with a child. The child must be related by blood to a former spouse of the defendant or to a person who resides or who has resided in the same household as the defendant. Also, you must state how an act of domestic violence was threatened or committed against you within the last year. The relationship between the victim and the defendant is currently or was previously a romantic or sexual relationship.
**Injunction Against Harassment is used when the Defendant has committed a series of acts (more than one) of harassment against you in the last year. For an Injunction Against Harassment, there is no relationship requirement between you (the plaintiff) and the abusive party (the defendant). If you and the defendant do not meet any of the above relationships required for an Order of Protection, then you will need to apply for an Injunction Against Harassment.
My fellow “blogathoners”:
Jackie Dishner
BIKE WITH JACKIE
http://bikewithjackie.blogspot.com
Susan Ratliff, Exhibit Expert
Bling My Booth
Stephanie Angelo
Human Resource Essential Blog
http://hressential.com/wordpress/
Greg Peterson
Down On The Urban Farm
http://www.yourguidetogreen.com/TheUrbanFarm/
Bonnie Mattick
YourBusinessDetective
http://www.YourBusinessDetective.com
Andrea Beaulieu
True Potential
http://www.TruePotentialBlog.com
Conspiracy of Love
http://www.ConspiracyOfLove.net
Beth Terry
Cactus Wrangler
http://www.CactusWrangler.com
Debra Exner
Collaboration Pays Off
http://collaborationpaysoff.wordpress.com
Deborah M Dubree
I’ll have a new name this week
http://www.deborahdubree.com/blog
Eileen Proctor
The Top Dog’s Blog
http://thetopdogsblog.blogspot.com/
Suzanne Holman
Boomer Health…Wealth…Family…Adventure
http://www.suzanneholman.com/blog
Dr. Eileen R. Borris
Finding Forgiveness
http://findingforgiveness.blogspot.com
Mimi Meredith
Bloomin’ Blog
You’ll note right off that this is not my usual type of blog. I always write about strategic leadership, leadership competencies, domestic violence, domestic violence training, statistics and domestic violence prevention.
I’m participating in a month log “blogathon” with a group of folks and for the fun of it I’m indulging in a little personal story with a happy ending.
Not long ago one of my cats, Isabella, or Izzy as she’s known to those of us who know her personally, became unusually lethargic. Always one to be anti-social and shy, Izzy never was one to sit in anyone’s lap and ask for affection. But she should at least wander around the house and show up for meals.
But instead Izzy just lay around on the bed and wouldn’t move. Day in and day out. She only got up to use the litter box. She wouldn’t make a peep or a mew, nothing.
Sadly, I noticed her getting frighteningly thin. Her spine poked out of her back, her legs deflated, and hip bones jutted out. It was horrible.
I was convinced Izzy had cancer or something terribly serious. My family and I discussed making an appointment with the Vet as soon as the weekend was over. I was very afraid that if Izzy went in, she would never come back out. We were going to lose her. It was only at matter if time. Izzy was dying.
Then during the weekend I stopped for gasoline at a convenience store and thinking sadly about Izzy, as I had been, it occurred to me: maybe it’s not that she won’t eat, maybe she can’t eat? Maybe it’s not cancer. Maybe she’s starving! So I ran into the store and bought a small can of soft cat food.
I took it home, picked Izzy up off the bed where she laid curled up and silently suffering and hand fed her about a tablespoon of the cat food. Viola! She devoured it! I was so happy!
So bit by bit I fed her small meals throughout the day. Then again the next and the next. After about three days Izzy started leaving her usual spot and come to the kitchen asking for food! Yeah!
Now Izzy has been “born again”. She’s a totally social little beast. Always has to be near me. She follows me everywhere and complains if I don’t pick her up. She has a completely different personality.
What if I hadn’t thought to give her food? I was only a day away from taking her to the vet and kissing her goodbye forever.
It’s amazing what can happen when we give a little thought to how we treat others, whether they are two legged or not. What we do and the decisions we make can have an enormous impact. I know I’ve been lucky enough to have small gestures of kindness make a huge difference for me.
So going into 2010, I hope you’ll be especially conscious of how you treat others around you.
You might even save a life.
Izzy wants you to check out the blogs of my fellow blogathoners:
Jackie Dishner (Our fearless leader)
BIKE WITH JACKIE
http://bikewithjackie.blogspot.com
Susan Ratliff, Exhibit Expert
Bling My Booth
Stephanie Angelo (Me!)
Human Resource Essential Blog
http://hressential.com/wordpress/
Greg Peterson
Down On The Urban Farm
http://www.yourguidetogreen.com/TheUrbanFarm/
Bonnie Mattick
YourBusinessDetective
http://www.YourBusinessDetective.com
Andrea Beaulieu
True Potential
http://www.TruePotentialBlog.com
Conspiracy of Love
http://www.ConspiracyOfLove.net
Beth Terry
Cactus Wrangler
http://www.CactusWrangler.com
Debra Exner
Collaboration Pays Off
http://collaborationpaysoff.wordpress.com
Deborah M Dubree
I’ll have a new name this week
http://www.deborahdubree.com/blog
Eileen Proctor
The Top Dog’s Blog
http://thetopdogsblog.blogspot.com/
Suzanne Holman
http://www.suzanneholman.com/blog
Dr. Eileen R. Borris
Finding Forgiveness
http://findingforgiveness.blogspot.com
Mimi Meredith
Bloomin’ Blog
Last night with a group of court mandated domestic violence offenders we were talking about whether the men would continue to talk to others about what they had learned or changed in their lives as a result of attending group for 26 weeks. Many of them felt they could talk to friends and family about what had happened and what they learned, including empathetic listening, making better choices, leaving during the heat of an argument and more. But where the discussion came to a grinding halt was when I asked if any of them could talk to their employers. “It’d be the kiss of death” one man said. Most all of the others agreed. They’re convinced that telling an employer that they’d been arrested, or charged, with a domestic violence offense it would put an end to their career.
I didn’t get into a debate with them about how difficult it is for women too. That wouldn’t have been the point. I did wish I’d had an opportunity to tell them about that being a main component in my work with organizations: creating corporate cultures where victims and offenders both can go to management or Human Resources and have an open honest discussion about partner violence and the affects of domestic abuse; and that management and HR will offer a listening ear and provide referrals without breaking confidentiality and any threat of job repercussions. As it turned out, though, the discussion changed to something else before I had the chance.
Talking about the issue openly is a monumental step in domestic violence prevention. But some time ago I posted a clip of me talking to managers about that very thing on You Tube and my web site. So here it is again. As a manager, I strongly suggest that learning about domestic violence laws; statistics of domestic violence and the dynamics of the issue be part of your organization’s strategic leadership and competencies. No one should feel talking to their employer would be “the kiss of death” to their career.
Over the weekend I had the chance to see the movie Julie and Julia with a friend of mine. We caught it at the discount theater. That’s how overdue I was to see this movie I’d wanted to see for so long. It’s really a great movie. And I was especially taken by Julie’s need to blog and how she got so caught up in doing it every day.
I admire that because as you can tell from my posts – I’m nowhere near able to do it every day. Mostly because of time – or lack of it. But also because I have the hardest time thinking of what to write. I’ve been like that since grade school. Struggling to find subject matter and blending it with my need for privacy. I do write on domestic abuse, and how I articulate that into consulting with managers and corporations to help them improve corporate culture. I also write about the dynamics of abuse, how we can help and the costs to all of us as a result.
So you think I could blog every day. Still can’t. The good news is that on January first I’m going to participate in a “Blogathon” with some other folks I know. We’re to write as often as we can, with no expectation of a certain frequency. So that’s good, because I’ll have support system. I’ll also be held accountable to read the other participants blogs as often as I can and to comment on them.
So here’s something you can do to help: you can suggest blog ideas. You know my area of expertise. Is there something you’d like to know about domestic abuse’s impact on business? Is there something about victims or offenders you like to comment on or ask? Let me know. Let’s have a discussion.
Post your questions in the comments section here, or email me at Stephanie@hressential.com. You can also visit my website and see if something on it inspires a question.
Here’s the requirement though: if you’re going to be offensive, insulting, use bad language, SPAM, or send gibberish (like a bunch of nonsensical characters) don’t write. Period. This is a forum for people who sincerely want a discussion. Agreed?
