Human Resource Essential Blog

Man Found Hiding in Bathtub

March 9th, 2010

MESA — Police found a man lying in wait in his girlfriend’s bathtub shortly after she filed assault charges against him and came home to find her front door kicked in.

When police arrived at 4 a.m. Sunday, they found slashed couches, broken televisions, and photographs, tables and food strewn all over.

Police found the boyfriend, identified as Eduarrdo Gutierrez, hiding in the bathtub, shower curtain closed.

(Source Az Republic)

That beats the generalization of “acting on impulse all to heck, doesn’t it? This is common; abusers plan what they are going to destroy because they pick what will hurt their target the most i.e. clothes, trophies, books and other property.

Posted in Domestic Violence, Stress, Uncategorized, safety | No Comments »

Really Exciting Times

February 26th, 2010

network_fritsal The other day I attended a county-wide domestic violence summit. Attendees included law enforcement, prosecutors, advocates, social workers, shelter representatives and more. We had a day to brainstorm ideas focusing on what we could do collaboratively to end domestic violence in Maricopa County.

For once it was a really stimulating day. Ideas were swapped and notes were taken. We even got a chance to see each other artistic abilities when we wrote notes and pictures on the paper table cloths with colored markers.

We talked about other cities and counties around the U.S. that we’d heard about that had really successful multi-disciplinary plans: what makes them successful and what sustains them?

My favorite part was the networking. There really aren’t that many opportunities for folks in different aspects of domestic violence work to collaborate and to just talk. I actually suggested that in the future we have an expo-type event and all we do is exchange information and network without a specific agenda. Because one of the best way to get people to collaborate and to get victims and offenders into the right resources is when the resource providers really know each other and what’s out there that we can offer. There’s so much more than we even know about. For example: a great many of us didn’t know that NextCare® urgent care centers offers free medical treatment to DV victims. How great is that? I believe they have to be referred by a shelter. I couldn’t find any specific information on their website.

It’s going to really be interesting to see what comes of this and what the next steps are. Can Maricopa County develop one of the most recognized initiatives in the United States? I’m willing to bet we can, and as the only person at the summit whose expertise and life’s work is to activate business involvement, this will be a really great time to see this “cold” and “taboo” topic become hotter and break all the barriers of silence.

Tags: bottom line, business, coaching, collaboration, company, conflict, consulting, conversation, costs, domestic abuse, domestic violence in the workplace, domestic violence prevention, employees, employer, lawsuit, leadership development, legal, management, offender, relationships, risk, safety, strategic leadership, team work, training, victim, victim’s rights, violence
Posted in Domestic Violence, Stress, Uncategorized, coaching, safety | No Comments »

If Employee Problems Are Left Unaddressed

February 23rd, 2010

Managers guide cover revised BW

It’s tremendously important that people are asking questions about domestic abuse and participating in discussions. We have to do that. It helps erase the taboo – which a huge step in eradicating this major social issue.

One of my blog readers sent an email asking, “How is domestic abuse identified as the contributor to stress in the workplace, when there are no physical signs of abuse?”

This is a great question and in large part the very reason why businesses fail to do anything preventive. They still fail to see the relevance until an employee’s abuse is escalated to the stage of being obvious to everyone and then they realize that they employee, and the rest of the organization may be in serious danger.

Yet all along, the employee has been suffering and the company has been paying for it. While there are many, many health issues that a victim of abuse may experience, stress and depression are practically a given.

Statistics show that if employee problems are left unaddressed, they can directly impact on the organization’s bottom line.

A study published in 1998, and sponsored by the Health Enhancement Research Organization, surveyed over 46,000 workers at several U.S. companies and reported:

18.5% of the employees were screened as highly stressed and their medical claims averaged 46% higher than those without high stress.

2.2% of the employees were screened as depressed, and their medical claims averaged 70.2% higher than those without depression.

Combined over 20% of the employees were either highly stressed or depressed; and averaged approximately 49% higher health care costs.

The estimated economic burden of depression in 2000 was $43.7 billion – $31.3 billion for indirect costs such as decreased productivity and lost work days, and $12.4 billion in direct costs such as medication and physician time.

To further address the question; when an employee is being victimized and abused whether emotionally, physically, or both, the stress and depression they endure is also going to impact the co-workers around them. Haven’t you ever had to fill in for someone who was absent? Covered a job or completed a project for someone who was at work but so distracted and consumed by other problems they couldn’t get their work done? Did you and co-workers talk about this person during breaks, at your desk, in the hallways – even the restroom? Those are also ways their situation contributes to stress in the workplace. Theirs and yours.

It Happened at Home – It Cost Us at Work is a training program I designed especially for managers to address the issues discussed in this blog post, and much more. It includes skill practices and a deep understanding of abuse dynamics. There’s a manager’s guide available on my website that has helped many a manager and employee address hidden issues.

It’d be a whole lot nicer for everyone if no one had to suffer and the hands or voice of another person. We’d all lead safer, happier and less stressful lives.

Tags: bottom line, business, coaching, conflict, consulting, costs, depression, domestic abuse, domestic violence in the workplace, domestic violence prevention, employer, lawsuit, leadership development, legal, management, offender, relationships, risk, safety, strategic leadership, stress in the workplace, training, victim, violence
Posted in Domestic Violence, Stress, Uncategorized, safety | No Comments »

One of today’s news briefs…

February 18th, 2010

When I first began to read this news brief I was concerned. I thought, “what about cases of domestic violence?” But they addressed it in the end. Read on:

Panel OKs Bill to Extend Divorce Waiting Period

Posted in Domestic Violence, Uncategorized, safety | No Comments »

Can You Tell Just by Looking at Someone?

February 16th, 2010

rose colored glasses My friend, Beth Terry, has a new blog called http://www.Faceitdarlin.com with a friend or hers. One of the readers, Janey, asked if there was a way she could tell if a boyfriend was abusive.

Beth had some really great information in her answer to Janey and I added comments on her blog of my own.

Among the things that I tell people during the trainings that I do is that these indicators may not show up for a while. Everyone one is different and the cues are typically very, very subtle. Controlling behavior may be as simple as the abuser giving a lot of gifts of clothes or jewelry and expecting you to always wear them, so that over time you can no longer choose what you want to wear without it being an issue with them. As stated above, they may dictate you who can hang out with; expecting you to be at their beck and call all the time.

They make excuses for their behavior and explain it away and justify it. Often blaming you for “causing” it. There are many ways to be abusive and we need to remember that emotional abuse is a serious problem as well as physical abuse.

Too many people say things like, “Yeah…but he never hits me…”

Emotional abuse also precedes physical abuse because of its escalating nature.

Trust your instincts. If this relationship doesn’t feel good and right in every way it’s not the relationship to stay in.

Here are some additional resources regarding abusive relationships.

I have tons of other resources if Janey wants to contact me.

Read on for more info:

Are you going out with someone who…

• Is jealous and possessive, won’t let you have friends, checks up on you, won’t accept breaking up?

• Tries to control you by being bossy, giving orders, making all the decisions, not taking your opinions seriously?

• Puts you down in front of friends, tells you that you would be nothing without him or her?

• Scares you? Makes you worry about reactions to things you say or do? Threatens you? Uses or owns weapons?

• Is violent? Has a history of fighting, loses temper quickly, brags about mistreating others? Grabs, pushes, shoves, or hits you?

• Pressures you for sex or is forceful or scary about sex? Gets too serious about the relationship too fast?

• Abuses alcohol or other drugs and pressures you to take them?

• Has a history of failed relationships? and blames the other person for all the problems?

• Makes your family and friends uneasy and concerned for your safety?

If you answered “yes” to any of these questions you could be the victim of dating abuse. Dating violence or abuse affects one in ten teen couples. Abuse isn’t just hitting. It’s yelling, threatening, name-calling, saying “I’ll kill myself if you leave me”, obsessive phone calling, and extreme possessiveness.

What If You Want Out?

• Tell your parents, a friend, a counselor, a clergyman, or someone else whom you trust and who can help. The more isolated you are from friends and family, the more control the abuser has over you.

• Alert the school counselor or security officer.

• Keep a daily log of the abuse.

• Do not meet your partner alone. Do not let him or her in your home or car when you are alone.

• Avoid being alone at school, your job, on the way to and from places.

• Tell someone where you are going and when you plan to be back.

• Plan and rehearse what you would do if your partner became abusive.

A helpful resource:

Family Violence Prevention Fund http://endabuse.org/

Posted in Domestic Violence, safety | 2 Comments »

A forwarded press release from NCADV

February 12th, 2010

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE Contacts: Rita Smith 303-839-1852 ext. 105

February 10, 2010 Kathleen Russell 415-250-1180

Family Courts Implicated in Infants’ Murders

Two Young Boys Killed by Two Divorcing Dads in Past 10 Days

Points to Massive System Failure

SAN RAFAEL- National and local advocacy groups are expressing outrage over what has become a disturbing national trend of divorcing Dads killing their children and themselves. 8-month-old baby Bekm was shot and killed by his father, Nicholas Bacon, in Meridian, Idaho just 48 hours ago, while 9-month-old baby Wyatt was killed by his father Stephen Garcia just ten days ago in San Bernardino County. Details are still emerging about the tragic Idaho murder-suicide of baby Bekm on Monday night.

In the Garcia case, three different judges refused multiple requests by the child’s mother for restraining orders to protect her child, despite police reports and documented death threats by the father in text messages and on Facebook.

“The system failed Wyatt Garcia and Katie Tagle,’’ said California Assemblymember Jim Beall, Jr., the lead sponsor of Assembly Bill 612, which aims to prevent the use of non-scientific theories in California family courts. “Wyatt’s tragic death was completely avoidable.  ”

Numerous sources report a significant spike in murder suicides across the country by violent fathers who kill their children and themselves, frequently after mothers’ requests for protection of their children are denied by family court judges. In addition, the Leadership Council on Child Abuse & Interpersonal Violence estimates that more than 58,000 children per year in America are ordered by family courts into unsupervised contact with physically or sexually abusive parents following divorce.

“The time has come for us as a society to speak out and put a stop to this growing national body count. Across the country, women and children are being killed because of judges’ personal biases and junk science that tells them to disbelieve women’s legitimate claims and evidence of abuse,” said Rita Smith, the Executive Director of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence.

According to court transcripts and eyewitness accounts, judges reacted with disbelief when mother Katie Tagle presented them with evidence of death threats against her son by the father.

Judge David Mazurek stated, “I get concerned when there’s a pending child custody and visitation issue and in between that, one party or the other claims that there’s some violence in between. It raises the court’s eyebrows because based on my experience, it’s a way for one party to try to gain an advantage over the other,” he said.

“This attitude permeates the courts, that women are lying about the danger they are in,” said Kathleen Russell from the Center for Judicial Excellence. “This attitude causes judges to ignore tangible evidence of death threats and abuse. The abusers’ lobby has convinced judges that shared custody is always the answer, and sadly, this case points out how deadly that approach can be,” she said.

According to a family member who was in the courtroom when Ms. Tagle last sought protection for her son, the judge reportedly said, “One of you is lying, and I think it’s you,” while pointing at Katie. Transcripts from this hearing are not yet available.

The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence and the Center for Judicial Excellence are part of a growing national advocacy movement to educate the public as well as litigants, lawmakers, judges, and social service providers about the need for comprehensive family court reform. The Center for Judicial Excellence and their allies worked with California State Senator Mark Leno and others to pass an audit request through the state legislature last July. The California State Auditor is currently investigating the use of court appointees in family courts because of growing evidence that children are being harmed there. The California Legislature is slated to consider additional family court reform bills being presented by the Center and the California Protective Parents Association in the coming months.

“We must assess what’s happening in our family courts, and that’s why I’ve requested a state audit to take a hard look at the performance and effectiveness of the family court system,’’ said Assemblymember Beall.

The State Auditor’s report about the California Family Courts has an expected release date of June 2010.

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NCADV – The Mission of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV) is to organize for collective power by advancing transformative work, thinking and leadership of communities and individuals working to end the violence in our lives.

CJE - The Center for Judicial Excellence (CJE) was established to improve the judiciary’s public accountability and strengthen and maintain the integrity of the courts. CJE has made a special commitment to protect the rights of children and other vulnerable populations in the courts.

Posted in Domestic Violence, Uncategorized, safety | No Comments »

Look How These Statistics Break Down

February 2nd, 2010

piechart

I came across this blog which I thought was very well written. I agree with the facts stated as well. One thing we have to note is while the article is called “Why Do So Many Men Die as a Result of Domestic Violence?” What we’re looking at and need to address is “why do so many people die as a result of domestic violence? That’s the problem as far as I’m concerned.

Read the article. There are also some interesting comments and debates going on in that post.

Tags: bottom line, business, coaching, company, conflict, consulting, costs, domestic abuse, domestic violence in the workplace, domestic violence prevention, employees, employer, lawsuit, leadership development, legal, management, offender, relationships, risk, safety, strategic leadership, training, victim, violence
Posted in Domestic Violence, Uncategorized, safety | 2 Comments »

This year’s theme-Crime Victims Rights: Fairness. Dignity.

January 29th, 2010

The following was released by the National Center for Victims of Crime. There are tremendous resources on this site and I wanted to share it with my readers.

– Stephanie

Released 1/28/2010

Dear Colleague:

The National Center for Victims of Crime is proud to present the 2010 National Crime Victims Rights Week Resource Guide (NCVRW), prepared in partnership with the Office for Victims of Crime (OVC), Office of Justice Programs, U.S. Department of Justice. The 2010 NCVRW Resource Guide includes a wealth of ideas and tools to help your community plan an exceptional National Crime Victims Rights Week.

This years theme-Crime Victims Rights: Fairness. Dignity.

Respect.-captures the ideals that inspired the victims rights movement. Only a few decades ago, shocking numbers of crime victims experienced unfairness, indignities, and disrespect. Yet years of work by victims and advocates led to thousands of statutes and 32 state constitutional amendments that establish victims rights. Every year, we celebrate that progress and commit ourselves to ensuring that all victims know about and can exercise these rights.

The National Center for Victims of Crime is pleased to announce that the 2010 National Crime Victims Rights Week Resource Guide is available for download on the National Centers Web site. Visit www.ncvc.org/2010NCVRW to check out the great resources available to help you and your organization commemorate 2010 National Crime Victims Rights Week.

Sincerely,

Jeffrey R. Dion

Acting Executive Director

National Center for Victims of Crime

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“Ordinary people can stop extraordinary events” – Department of Homeland Security

January 24th, 2010

Dear Readers: A few weeks ago I emailed, to my data base, and Tweeted a link to an outstanding video by the Department of Homeland Security about how ordinary people can do extraordinary things by using their instincts. Among those that received the video link from me, was my colleague and friend, Larry Kaminer, President of The Personal Safety Group.

As a result, Larry wrote this blog, which so perfectly addresses the point that I wanted to share it with my readers. It’s interesting, too, that Larry mentions Gavin de Becker. Several years ago Mr. de Becker gave me permission to use elements of his work in some of my KidzWeyes, LLC programs. Below is Larry’s post. Stephanie

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man-shopping-300x199

“Ordinary people can stop extraordinary events” – Department of Homeland Security

I was sent this link to a Department of Home Land Security video on the importance of awareness at retail outlets and shopping malls with regard to suspicious behavior. DHS has the very difficult job of keeping us safe and informed without alarming or scaring the public. This is especially true of their efforts to protect us from an act of terrorism here on American soil.

This 9 minute video is worth watching.

Upon viewing it you may very well say to yourself:

-All of this is common sense.

Of course a suspicious package needs to be reported.
It’s a no brainer that someone taking photos of surveillance cameras could be suspicious.
Who doesn’t know that someone wearing a heavy overcoat indoors is also a red flag?
I already know that an unattended vehicle parked for extended periods might be suspect?

-So why did you urge me to watch this video?

Well here is my answer to that reasonable question. The big take away I got from this video had nothing to do with common sense. It had to do with obeying our instincts.

Gavin de Becker in his book The Gift of Fear, describes intuitions as “knowing without knowing why”. The best description of this natural defensive mechanism I have every heard.

All too often during our personal safety training classes we hear stories from victims of crime, whom upon reflecting on their ordeals went on to describe clear pre crime indictors and other elements that “just didn’t seem right” before the crime even occurred. Things that gave them a “bad feeling” but things they ignored. They also share with us the stories they told themselves to push aside their intuition in an attempt to justify not acting on their instincts.

Our societal encoding very often prompts us to deem our instincts or intuition as “silly” or “irrational” Even with every red light going off in our heads that something is amiss, we are also hesitant to honor that “gut feeling” out of fear of embarrassing someone (or ourselves) or hurting someone else’s feelings. Or perhaps not wanting to be the one to “create a scene” in case it “turned out to be nothing”

We use a cliché in personal safety that I think should become our encoded credo. “There is no harm in a false alarm” Regardless of the situation you are in, you should always honor your instincts and override any little voice in your head telling you to do otherwise.

Mall security, the police, any agency, would much prefer you report suspicious behavior. This gives them the chance to evaluate. Let them be the ones to thank you for your vigilance and to let you know it turned out to be nothing. And they will be grateful for your concern and diligence in reporting.

An alert yet relaxed and observant general public can be the extended network of eyes and ears for law enforcement.

Please watch this video with your family and especially your children if they are of age to be out and about and at the mall without you.

And remember, as DHS so succinctly states, “Ordinary people can stop extraordinary events”

Tags: bottom line, business, coaching, company, conflict, consulting, costs, domestic abuse, employees, employer, family, instincts, lawsuit, legal, management, offender, prevention, relationships, risk, safety, shopping, training, victim, violence
Posted in Uncategorized, safety | No Comments »

15 Things I Love About My Work

January 15th, 2010

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Fearless Blogathon leader, Jackie Dishner had a great suggestion for those of us in the blogging group. To celebrate our 15^th day of the Blogathon, Jackie suggested we could write our 15 favorites on a given topic; one of which could be our work. I’m going with that one. So here it is in quick list format.

In no specific order – I just started typing as the ideas came to me.

I’d love to hear from my readers if any of these items resonate with you.

If you were to re-order this, what order would you put these 15 items? Why?