“It didn’t even occur to me to leave”. While this may sound completely absurd to people who have not lived in an abusive home, this comment is not uncommon for those who have, or still do.
Psychologist Martin Seligman called this behavioral unresponsiveness “learned helplessness”. Donald Dutton, PhD further explains that when people are conditioned by the punishment they receive when they try to leave or fight back, they learn to “swallow their feelings”. They feel shame, lose dignity and are forced to emotionally disassociate with their experience as a means of coping.
So the next time you wonder why someone is an abusive relationship appears to not even consider escape avoid passing judgment and try to understand that for them, it may seem unthinkable and the farthest thing from their mind. Living in the present may be the best they can do.
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