TAG | domestic abuse
It’s cold outside and snow is falling. My people brought me in last night with ice frozen to my sore and bleeding ears and paws. My lady tried to wrap me in a towel and warm me in her arms but the man raged and threw me into this cold, dark bathroom.
I don’t know which is worse, shivering against the biting cold outside, or shivering against the storm inside the house. Last night was louder than usual with a lot of yelling, the sound of things breaking, and the little ones crying. It is quiet now except for the shuffling sounds of the man readying himself to go to work.
Things are different now than when I first came to live here. I was just a puppy and we would all laugh, play ball, and be a close pack. My dreams of being the protector of the pack slowly dwindled and died with time and experience.
Dogs can smell fear. One time when that rancid odor filled my snout until I couldn’t stand it anymore, I pushed against the door so hard it flew open. There I was, free to protect my lady and the little ones. The man kicked me in the head and in my side, I slammed into the wall and couldn’t get up. After that, it felt hopeless to even try to protect my family.
When the man leaves, my lady opens the door and scoops me into her arms. She tells me of her sadness, how she worries about the children, and how she plans to escape someday. She promises not to leave me behind.
Historically dogs and cats began as wild, free roaming animals living in packs and answering to no one except the alpha of their respective village. Scientists believe humans began domesticating these animals more than 10 thousand years ago. Pet owners would agree that animals provide unconditional love, companionship, and amusement to their lives. But according to www.aardvarc.org, “for victims of domestic violence, pets can become a barrier to leaving an abusive relationship and can even become a tool of violence for an abusive partner who is willing to injure or kill a pet as a retaliation or as part of a preemptive strike designed to gain or maintain control by means of terrorism.”
In the event of a situation that calls for safety measures there is help available, and resources modeled specifically to this need. At www.aardvarc.org an acronym for An Abuse, Rape and Domestic Violence Aid and Resource, there are useful guides and tips to assure safety for those at risk. Also specific to pets at www.humanesociety.org/issues/abuse_neglect/tips/safe_havens_directory, there is a Directory of Safe Havens for Animals program. These programs offer temporary shelter and foster care for at risk pets if family or friends are unable to provide assistance.
Statistics compiled by the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence show that “between 25 and 40 percent of battered women are unable to escape abusive situations because they worry about what will happen to their pets or livestock should they leave.
There are safe places and resources available for people and their pets if they are in an abusive situation. There is hope.
Stephanie Angelo is always happy to talk with you about improving your domestic violence initiative. Just give her a call at (480) 726-9833 or send an email to Stephanie@hressential.com. She’d love to hear from you.
Dear Fans and Supporters,
We need your help to raise money to produce this game! It teaches professional staff the way abusers and victims behave. We want to make it available to shelters, treatments centers, and therapists everywhere!
Just the words ”Domestic Violence” scare people away. Nobody wants to deal with it. We aim to change society! We’re working hard to end violence one game piece, one person, one community at a time!
Other Ways You Can Help
Sometimes you just can’t contribute, but that doesn’t mean you can’t help:
Help to get the word out and make some noise about “OUTrage”.
Share the IndieGoGo Campaign with everyone you know!
Click here to help! And that’s all there is to it.
Thank you For Your Time and Thank You in advance!
Carl W. Mangold, LCSW, LISAC and Stephanie Angelo, SPHR, SCP
No one deserves to be abused. Many people, however, do not understand how subtle emotional-psychological abuse can be. By the time victims are hit, many of them may, ironically, already believe they deserve it.
Emotional-psychological abuse almost always precedes physical abuse; however one does not have to be physically harmed to experience a lifetime of abusive manipulation and control.
Friends and family are not always aware of the tactics of abuse, and hence may fall unwittingly into a position that supports the abuser.
This game is designed to be played by 5 people or teams. It can be used in offender treatment groups, domestic abuse shelters, individual or family counseling settings. It teaches professional staff to the way abusers and victims behave.
Most victims only share the “tip of the iceberg” with friends, family and coworkers. This game experientially portrays the underlying realities that cause victims to be so circumspect.
Learn more about the dynamics of intimate partner/domestic abuse and violence in a way that is safe, challenging and, dare we say, fun!
by Julie Beach and Stephanie Angelo
There are currently 40 thousand plus inmates in Arizona prisons. A large number of those inmates have been tried and convicted of violent crimes such as assault, child molestation and domestic violence. These convictions only account for known abuses. It doesn’t account for what goes on behind some closed doors, or the pain caused by bruises that don’t show.
Look at government dollars at work. According to the Arizona Department of Corrections it costs tax payers approximately $20 thousand annually for food, clothing, medical care, and housing for each of these violent offenders. Add to that a recent settlement of $8 million a year for additional health care coverage for inmates incarcerated in prisons run by the state. A federal judge approved this settlement just weeks before a $2.7 million budget deficiency crippled the Apache Junction Unified School District. The apparent solution to this shortfall is removing Friday from the school week in grades K-12, and closing Superstition Mountain Elementary School.
This approved plan leaves parents in the lurches of figuring out childcare options for their younger children on Fridays. It also puts added stress on over worked teachers contending with approximately 31 students to a classroom in the elementary and middle schools, while there can be up to 40 students per classroom in grades 9-12. Not only is it disruptive to have such a large ratio of students per teacher it hinders students receiving quality one-on-one instruction. There are issues to be considered regarding the upheaval these changes will cause special needs children as well. Additionally, with Arizona having the highest drop-out rate in the nation, at almost 75%, we continue to perpetuate the problem. High school drop-outs cost Arizona $7.6 billion over their lifetime, and 70% of incarcerated people in state prisons are high school drop-outs.
Coolidge Arizona Unified School District is in the proposal stages of implementing the 4 day school week, and others are sure to follow in a subverted attempt at balancing the state’s budget.
Another potential proposal to more equally distribute tax dollars would include the mitigation of the violent prison inmate. Learning positive, win-win strategies to circumvent domestic violence in the home with spill over into the work place offers beneficial and structured consequences. Training and education of work management teams puts in place opportunities for resolution and mindful understanding of the signs and symptoms of an unsafe and potentially violent home environment. If, for example, detection in the work place stopped just 10 incidents of convicted violent crimes against employees, their families or work associates that would shift $200 thousand to other areas such as schools where government dollars are desperately needed.
Mitigating the violent prison inmate could shift tax dollars to other areas of need. Bottom line, too much government spending, by unfortunate necessity, is allocated to one area, while others are making do with too little. We all pay the price for that.
“But I don’t know how to talk to her.” “What would I say?” “Isn’t it overstepping my boundaries?”
These are common questions I hear when I talk to managers or business owners and executives about conversations they would have with an employee they suspect is a victim of intimate relationship abuse. I can understand it, of course. Our very nature is to keep employees personal lives at arm’s length and to simply concentrate on the business of… well, the business.
However, countless studies and employee opinion surveys have made it clear that when the employer is engaged in open and caring dialogue with employee’s productivity and loyalty improve dramatically.
In today’s Arizona Republic, writer Sidnee Peck offers a sound little article that supports the very concept of clear communication with struggling employees. The article was not available on-line so there’s a scanned version below.
The most rewarding aspect of my work is taking Sidnee’s concept to the next level and training managers expressly on communication in my program “The Good, the Bad and the Funny – Communication at the Workplace™” And in my niche of intimate relationship abuse, “It Happened at Home, It Cost Us at Work™” and other programs designed specifically to focus on the business case for addressing domestic violence and abuse.
Knowing what to say and how to say it becomes easy and rewarding. You just need a little help to get started. I’m here for that. I’m always happy to talk with you about improving communication at your workplace. Just give me a call at (480) 726-9833 or send an email to Stephanie@hressential.com. I’d love to hear from you.
“Stephanie is an excellent HR professional I had the pleasure of working with for management training in communications. She is an utmost professional in her field of HR and works diligently in designing and delivering training sessions that create a positive impact to its audience members. Stephanie effectively balances the importance of the topic at hand and the humor so needed in the delivery and retention of material. I would highly recommend Stephanie to anyone wanting to develop their company into a high performing organization.” Eloisa Valdez, Human Resource Director
For a recent presentation I asked attendees what their most pressing concern was in terms of addressing domestic violence and workplace violence and their organization. There was no shortage of concerns and it made for lively and informative conversation. I love having program attendees so engaged in the discussion! I made a commitment to answer as many questions as possible in future newsletters and blogs. That way my entire readership community can benefit from the discussion.
One of the concerns raised was, “Maintaining safety for all when the ‘perpetrator’ is unknown, we have several sites and wouldn’t be able to determine which location the individual might go to.”
There is no single answer for that because, in short, it depends. I asked my colleague, Felix Nater, of Nater Associates, Ltd. to weigh in on the conversation. He had profound and valuable insights to add and I’d like to share a bit of that with you.
“Whether there is one workplace or 5 separate workplaces, each has unique circumstances only found at the specific location called vulnerability gaps that must be addressed. Minimizing risk can occur only if all employees on all shifts are familiar with the coordinated emergency response to the Offender, know what he/she looks like and understand their roles and know what to do during the encounter.
The day an employer receives such an alert is not the time to properly prepare the workplace for such an event. It may be too late to get the word out but lives can still be saved if the workforce knows how to respond. Proactive preparation and intervention is worth the investment compared to the cost associated with a faulty reactionary response to the active shooter threat.”
When you’re ready to activate safety protocols and need assistance to develop and deliver policies, procedures and training, give me call at +1(480) 726-9833 or email Stephanie@hressential.com You can also fill out the form below. We’re here to help.
Happy Valentine’s Day!
The 10 Top Reasons Why I Love My Clients.
- Because you feel as passionate about caring for your employees and coworkers as I do.
- Because you want our community to be a better place.
- Because you have strong values.
- Because we treat each other with respect.
- Because you have something important to say.
- Because you want to hear what I have to say.
- Because you’ve appreciated me referring new clients to you.
- Because you have referred your contacts to me.
- Because we’re cultivated a mutual trusting relationship.
- Because we have a valued partnership.
Happy Valentine’s Day!
You are very important! Do you have DV policies and procedures? Are they tailored to your unique company? Have you conducted trainings, safety drills or any preventive measures?
If you’re not already a member of this valued group of clients, let’s get started now! Contact me at Stephanie@hressential.com , fill out the form above, or call +1 480.726.9833 and visit www.hressential.com
Stephanie is a subject matter expert with decades of experience in violence’s effects on the workplace. She ensures clients receive ideas and skills which immediately motivate them, increase their ability to address this challenging issue, and ensure state and federal compliance.
Happy New Year to all!
Prior to trainings and speaking engagements I’ve never had a change to engage in dialogue with upcoming attendees. That changed in January when I prepared for a presentation to a chapter of Society for Human Resource Management (SHRM). I created a short questionnaire that attendees could answer online and then incorporated the data received into the presentation. An amazing 87 people responded to the survey! Many, many of them also submitted essay type questions and it wasn’t possible to answer all of them during the presentation.
My offer to them, and to you, is that in my blogs I will answer a question with a short audio or video recording. You’ll see the question; then click the recording.
What do you do if both victim and offender work for the same company?
Click on this video length 3:44 min
Or click: http://youtu.be/uk2SaRj764Y
I’m always happy to talk with you about improving your workplace violence initiative. Just give me a call at (480) 726-9833 or send an email to Stephanie@hressential.com. Call today! I look forward to hearing from you!
Arizona Revised Statutes · conversation · domestic abuse · domestic violence at work · Injunction Against Harassment · Injunction Against Workplace Harassment · offender · Order of Protection · personal safety · training · victim’s rights · violence
What a painful article to read. This is exactly why I urge employers of all types and sizes of businesses to take advantage of Domestic Abuse training. If this guy had been required to sit in a class he would have learned about his own behaviors – even if by osmosis. Maybe a spark of recognition would be lit.
That education by osmosis may well have led him to being directed to counseling and resources. Maybe by self-referral, maybe by employer suggestion. Behaviors and relationships might have changed. A woman’s life might have been saved. Another inmate in our correctional system might have been avoided. Why are we still avoiding this issue? Why are we so reluctant to address prevention? Aren’t you ready to lift the veil of taboo and secrecy? Aren’t you ready to stop this madness?
It’s a strong belief of mine that domestic violence training should be mandatory. I know mandatory is a strong word, but is there really any other for ensuring all of your employees attend? It’s the only way to get everyone in the company “on the same page” and ensuring that your organization adopts a corporate culture of like-minded people who prevent and shun domestic violence.
The legal penalties of ineffective or ignored employee relations issues like domestic violence, and domestic abuse can be substantial and it’s like asking for bad PR. Why would any business do that?
In addition, it’s the only way to get the people in the room that really need to hear the message; otherwise you have folks that are afraid they’ll be “outed” by their very presence. That’s why it’s so important to me to do this work.
I know a lot of speakers and trainers who would be upset – even cancel training if they found out that the 50 expected attendees turned into six. I’m not that way. Would I like 50 in the room? Of course. A recent training I had, which was communicated as “optional”, was to publicized 50 staff members. Six showed up. And you know what? That was OK.
We had six people in the room who were the best, most interested, most involved, most fun and most inspirational six participants a facilitator could ask for.
You never know who’s living with family violence. My belief is that if you reach even one person – and make a change in their life, you’ve accomplished something. On that day I know I did with six. They were involved in the group exercises and discussion and weren’t afraid to open up about the tough stuff and “find the funny” in the good stuff.
Quite simply that’s what I’m all about. I make the business case for tackling domestic violence spillover to the workplace. I eliminate the taboos and stigmas for managers and employees to deal with this social problem, and create workplaces that are Safe, Supportive and Sought-After.
I’m always happy to talk with you about improving the way your company address domestic violence. Just give me a call at (480) 726-9833 or send an email to Stephanie@hressential.com. I’d love to hear from you.
“This webinar was very helpful in understanding how employers can make an impact on the awareness of domestic violence and how it affects lost productivity, increased health/mental health costs, and the impact on management in an organization.”
“The webinar was very informative. Unlike most HR webinars that I’ve attended. It’s great to shed some light on this topic as it’s often kept quiet due to its sensitive nature. I feel more comfortable with my plan of action should I need to execute it.”
“Fantastic webinar! I am fortunate to not have had the experiences that were described. I need to be more proactive in seeking way to help others. I did not realize that there is that much domestic violence out there. Thank you for the training.”
They’ve all benefited from our webinars pre-approved for HRCI credit! We’re pleased to announce two of these webinars have been re-recorded and have new and updated information, discussion and video skill practices.
Are you ready to earn more HRCI credit?
Take a look at these convenient and very affordable on-demand learning opportunities!