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A few days ago I received a call from a Human Resource Director who urgently needed help and advice with an employee situation that was escalating quickly. The employee was missing work, bruised when she was there, and her spouse was threatening co-worker’s and demanding information of his wife’s whereabouts and schedule. I guided her through dynamics, processes, legalities and options. Then offered her suggestions and advantages to have an individualized, customized complete domestic violence program for their organization now. She said management wouldn’t go for it, “They’d rather wait until something happens.”
“It already has.” I told them. Still, the employee’s unproductive missed time, cost for injuries, personal stress level and anxiety to the workplace isn’t enough. They apparently would rather wait until she’s dead too.
This happens on a regular basis. How do these people stop the reactionary mindset? What is the point of doing a program after-the-fact in the honor of the dead?
Having said that, it’s always a good time to address the issue. My favorite clients are the ones that know the reality is that they don’t have to actually see evidence of a problem, they are realistic, preventive and proactive.
This is a painful reminder of what can, and does happen.
Want to know more or know somebody who might be interested in my services?
Please contact me via phone 480-726-9833 or just reply to this post.
In a program I recently did I received a comment from an attendee “That was an excellent presentation of the issues and what HR professionals should do. Now how do I get pursued my top management to institute your programs?
Wow. The million dollar question. And more commonly asked of me then you would think. The answer is…wait for it…it depends.
It depends because assuming “top management” can all be painted with the same brush and be motivated by the same things is to embark on an endless battle.
While I’m not saying it has to be a battle (though in some cases it seems to have been) you have to look at the many reasons why a top manager might be motivated to institute a program and then address that motivation.
Here below are what I have found to be the top motivators. There is no particular order to the list:
They agree with the principle that if you help the offender you help the victim – and they know the workplace is made up of both.
A couple points to note:
• At least one million women and 371,000 men are victims of stalking in the U.S. each year. Stalkers often follow the victim to the workplace.
• Up to 52% of victims of domestic abuse have lost their jobs because batterers typically engage in behavior that makes it difficult to work.
They are responsible for ensuring State and Federal Compliance.
• The EEOC has issued guidance for employer compliance.
• Occupational safety and health laws generally require employers to maintain a safe workplace, which may include a violence-free workplace.
• The Americans with Disabilities Act or state disabilities laws may require job accommodation of a victim of domestic violence who is or becomes mentally or physically disabled.
• Family and medical leave laws may require employers to grant leave to employees who are coping with serious health conditions resulting from domestic violence situations
They are concerned by and aware of the bottom line costs of domestic violence.
• The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention estimates that the annual cost of lost productivity due to domestic violence equals $727.8 million, with more than 7.9 million paid workdays lost each year.
• The national health care costs of domestic violence are high, with direct medical and mental health care services for victims amounting to nearly $4.1 billion.
• Human Resource Essential has developed a proprietary formula which calculates a company’s losses due to domestic violence in 11 separate functional areas of the organization. We provide this breakdown as a service to our clients.
They want to have their or their company’s name attached to something which generates public approval.
• Across the US there are small businesses, corporations, government agencies that are already addressing domestic violence, with great success.
• Some companies that have instituted programs include SCFAZ, Verizon Wireless, Blue Shield of California, and Liz Claiborne, Inc., to name a few.
They have experienced DV in their own lives and or feel deeply that as a public health and community issue it’s the right thing to do.
• Pure and simple – it is. Enlightened executives know they can no longer look the other way.
The above list could go on. I could have lengthy bullets of facts and statistics. What I’ve illustrated above is only a minimal list of the reasons we should address domestic violence in the workplace and the reasons we might motivate an executive to institute a program.
I wish I had a concrete answer for the program attendee who asked that question of me because it was a great one. Some people will never change, the will never care and they will never “stick their neck out” to address the taboo and stigma of domestic violence in order to do something about it.
You know the kind- the ones that don’t have to “buy into it” because they’re already sold.
Dear readers – This blog ran previously and continues to bring positive impact to readers. That makes me glad.
This month of awareness has assisted in bringing together those who work to bring an end to Domestic Violence, as well as move forward legislation to assist victims of domestic violence. As we move forward to October and participate in activities that support in bringing awareness and memorial to this ever present issue, we aid those who are suffering everyday to bring them one step closer to safety, and a healthier life for themselves, and their family. What might be things you can do to stop domestic abuse?
In your place of worship
1. Encourage information about domestic abuse in the congregation’s programs, youth groups, marriage preparation, study groups, etc.
2. Establish a committee to promote awareness of the problem and how the congregation can help.
3. Organize a drive to collect food, toiletries, household goods and other needed items for a local domestic violence service.
In your workplace
4. Display posters or brochures (in break rooms, restrooms, or meeting rooms) to promote awareness of domestic abuse and how to get help.
5. Organize a Brown Bag lunch or other event for co-workers and invite a speaker to talk about solutions to the problem.
6. Ask what policies your employer has developed to keep employees safe from a domestic abuser who threatens the workplace.
In schools and daycare
7. Encourage the editor of the school newspaper to have a special issue about teen dating violence and partner abuse.
8. Write a paper about domestic violence to share with your classmates.
9. Educate teachers and other staff about the connection between child abuse and partner abuse.
In civic organizations, clubs or neighborhoods
10. Invite a speaker to educate organization members about domestic violence.
11. Organize a fundraising event or food/toiletries drive to benefit a domestic violence service agency.
12. Publish information about domestic violence and available resources in the newsletter.
13. “Adopt” a family seeking independence from an abuser, to assist with practical needs.
As a Citizen
14. Ask your local library to stock books on domestic violence and to set up displays to educate the public about the issue.
15. Speak out against domestic abuse: Expressing your view that domestic violence is unacceptable has a powerful effect on changing the norms that support abuse.
16. Write letters to newspaper editors or send commentaries to TV and radio to help raise awareness about domestic violence.
17. Vote for public leaders who take a strong stand against domestic abuse.
18. Call 911 if you see or hear a crime of domestic abuse in progress. Write down license plate numbers, locations, and any other information that may be helpful to law enforcement.
19. Volunteer with a domestic violence service. Organizations need help with office activities, fundraising events, technical and professional services and assistance to clients.
20. Donate used clothing and household goods to a program that gives these vital items to families seeking independence from an abuser.
21. Participate in neighborhood crime watch programs.
Source original for this article: http://www.thepaper247.com/main.asp?SectionID=23&SubSectionID=22&ArticleID=17559&TM=9137.525
bottom line · Brown Bag lunch · business · Coaching · conflict · consulting · costs · crime victim’s rights · depression · domestic abuse · domestic violence in the workplace · domestic violence prevention · employer · lawsuit · leadership development · legal · management · offender · personal safety · relationships · risk · Speak out against domestic abuse · strategic leadership · stress in the workplace · training · victim · violence
Kudos to Superior Court Judge Susan Brnovich for getting tougher on DV. http://tiny.cc/hve1r . In this case, the accused killer of Jamie Laiaddee, Rick Valentini gets 42 years plus an additional 12 for other fraud charges. Bronovich was the prosecutor in 2002 for Tracy’s case which led to dismal and disappointing sentence http://tiny.cc/wbapi
In October of 2010, Tracy and I had the opportunity to speak to a room full of City of Phoenix Prosecutors and they were stunned as well when they learned how lax the sentence was for Tracy’s ex-husband.
Tracy and I were not passing judgment of our own, nor pointing fingers. What we expressed to the crowd was a combination problem. A lack of strong [prosecution mired with restrictions from a judge who appeared to sympathize with Tracy’s ex-husband. How else would you attempt to explain the judge barring so much impactful and clearly relevant information from being brought to the jury’s attention? For example, information like her ex-husband’s nearly identical attack with a knife on a former girlfriend? The very girlfriend who wanted to testify on Tracy’s behalf in support of the prosecution and was not allowed to by the then judge. The “excited utterance” was also not allowed. This was the statement Tracy made to the very first person who came in contact with her, the EMT, to whom she said “my husband did this”. And yet the judge wouldn’t allow the statement since it was uttered beyond two minutes of the attack. (So by his own rules he’d reinforced the truth that the attack lasted for nearly two hours!)
Serrated is a mind boggling, anger inducing book. It’s a must read that will propel you to speak out, as we have, to serve justice the way it should be served.
Statistics show that:
13% of Americans are likely to have heart disease1
Almost 20% of Americans are likely to have diabetes1
One in eight women or 12.6% will have breast cancer1
One in six men will develop prostate cancer1
As of 2006, the CDC reports that an estimated 36,828people per 100,000 are infected with HIV2
More than 200,000 people — are unaware they’re infected3
If American adults have come to accept these facts, as the vast majority of them have, then why is it still so hard to accept the fact that 85% of women and 15% of men are victims of abuse? Just like the above health statistics we understand there are a number of unreported cases so the numbers should be higher that what you see presented.The same is true for domestic violence.Lastly, when you think of the above noted health statistics you know that until someone’s illness is really in advanced stages you will probably never know someone is ill just by looking at them. The same is undeniably true with domestic abuse.
You don’t know when someone is suffering. You have to have reached a point of trust where the victim is comfortable enough, and feeling safe enough to open up to you. You need to be personally at a point where you understand enough about the dynamics of abuse that you can approach someone you suspect is victimized without jeopardizing their trust and personal safety.
I once had the VP of Human Resources of a very large international organization of 58,000 employees worldwide; boast to me “it doesn’t happen in my company, I never hear about it.” Well, sadly that’s statistically impossible. Even more sad was the fact that this VP didn’t have his ear to the ground enough to even know what was going one in his organization.
Do any of your employees exhibit any of the following?
- Become quiet when he/she is around their partner or ex-partner and feel afraid of making him/her angry?
- Cancel plans at the last minute?
- Not have access to money?
- Have their attire dictated to them?
- Stop seeing friends and family members, becoming more and more isolated?
- Explaining bruises to family, coworker’s or friends?
These are only a few of the possible signs of abuse. No one is immune from domestic violence and there are many available resources. Like the VP of Human Resources I mentioned, you don’t have to see it or hear of it for it to be happening and I’m available to help your organization by visiting:www.hressential.com
Check out other resources too like The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence http://www.ncadv.org/
2Centers for Disease Control
3Kenneth Mayer of Brown University
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That question came up one Saturday morning as I was sitting with a group of about twenty men, all DV offenders who had been mandated by court to attend 26 weeks of classes. I had been voluntarily joining these classes for 18 months to observe, learn and contribute. I was enjoying this rare opportunity with the permission of the group leader.
On this particular morning, one of the men was doing a “thought report” where he was explaining in minute detail what had transpired during the fight which led to his arrest. He admitted that a gun was involved – he said it was his girlfriend’s, and that her friend is the one who’d called police to report the argument; which she’d heard through the telephone.
He proceeded to minimize the intensity of the fight and gripe on and on about how the police stayed outside and wouldn’t come in to help stop the argument. He called them chicken s—t.
“Wait a minute.” I said. “You have to look at it from the Police perspective. They have no idea what they’re getting themselves into. They have no idea how many guns, or what type, or where you are in the house. Anything could happen, and Police are killed more often in DV calls than any other type. Period.”
The men stopped to look at me. There was a silence that would shake anyone’s confidence. And then about 10 of them started talking. “Yeah, you’re right” one said. “Never thought of it that way”, said another. “Oh, yea, there was that time when…” And on it went. It was good. That’s partly what those classes are for. To help the offenders, men and women both, to learn to see the bigger picture of a world beyond themselves; to take accountability for their actions and to see the ripple effect of consequences from their behavior.
I hope every one of them saw the article below that appeared on our paper the other day. I hope they never think of these situations the same way again.
Coaching · conflict · consulting · domestic abuse · domestic violence in the workplace · domestic violence prevention · guns · lawsuit · leadership development · legal · offender · Personal Safety · police · relationships · risk · shooting · strategic leadership · training · victim · violence
When I was a little girl, my older brother, who was always a goofball (just look at that picture will ya!) sometimes pretended to fly like Superman, jumping from couch to chair with a makeshift cape over his shoulders. I was ten years old the first time I really saw him fly. That was when my mother’s boyfriend launched him from the living room to the dining room – where he crashed to the floor in a heap. My brother wasn’t trying to be a superhero, but he was trying to stop this man from hurting our mother.
The boyfriend came and went over the next six years, finally disappearing when I was sixteen. Each time he left my relief was immense. Each time he came back my disappointment was crushing.
My brother and I used to take long walks at night just to get out of the house. I remember one night crunching through snow in five-degree-below-zero weather trying to figure out how we could become emancipated at the ages of twelve and fourteen. Our options looked pretty grim so we dropped the idea and waited for the years to go by till we could be free.
When you’re a kid living with abuse in the home it’s like living on an earth quake’s fault line. You never know when the ground is going to come out from under you. Nothing is safe or secure. You never know who’s next or what will set it off. You don’t want friends over because something might happen when they’re there. There’s no one to talk to. You hold your breath – all the time. (From my book Battered and Abused, Bringing the Darkness into the Light)
Domestic violence affects every member of the family, including the children. Family violence creates a home environment where children live in constant fear.
Children who witness family violence are affected in ways similar to children who are physically abused. They are often unable to establish nurturing bonds with either parent Children are at greater risk for abuse and neglect if they live in a violent home.
Statistics show that over 3 million children witness violence in their home each year. Those who see and hear violence in the home suffer physically and emotionally.
“Families under stress produce children under stress. If a spouse is being abused and there are children in the home, the children are affected by the abuse.” (Ackerman and Pickering, 1989)
Research shows without question that children will react in different ways. Variables are due to the child’s gender, age, what they witnessed, if there was someone giving them appropriate love and support, and other factors. Still children exposed to family violence are more likely to develop social, emotional, psychological and or behavioral problems than those who aren’t. They experience, lower self-esteem, depression, health issues, growth and development problems. They may avoid going to school, and once there are often too distracted to do well. Interviews with teachers have indicated that they are often spending significant time with children with these issues, to the detriment of the other students.
When employers provide resources, support systems and counseling services to their workforce they do a tremendous service to their employees to show they care. Since often times the workplace is the only possible source of information for an employee who’s every action is monitored by a controlling partner, you can imagine how great it is to be able to find resources for help at the workplace.
Employers who have a qualified Employee Assistance Provider (EAP) in house, or on contract, prove to their employees that they aren’t just blowing smoke in terms of being employee friendly. They’re walking the talk. And it comes back to them tenfold in a loyal workforce. That’s when the employer is the real superhero.
Imagine you’re at a networking event and introducing yourself to someone new. This person is an executive, C-Suite level individual. They explain their role in the organization and you can feel their confidence that they assume their respected by their employees as a leader.
Then this person asks you what you do. Before you answer, you have a fleeting thought, Will this person be intrigued and open to discussion, or will they suddenly get glassy-eyed and feign a friend they “see” across the room they must hurry to talk to as they skitter away?
I’m always fascinated by the people who believe the themselves to be great leaders and yet they flee from dealing with the tougher, “taboo” issues that are part of the human condition.
I believe a true leader is the man or woman who recognizes that even the uncomfortable issues have to be faced head-on – which I call Blending the Human Being with Business Practices™.
A comprehensive, end to end, domestic violence initiative doesn’t require an entire corporate overhaul. It simply means that with assistance from a subject matter expert you can make small changes at work which result in big changes at home. Whether you lead a handful of people at a small business or are responsible for hundreds makes no difference. Clients report steep reductions in workplace incidents, noticeable changes in affected individuals, and clear changes in corporate culture – having a positive ripple effect to every corner of the company.
Yesterday I had the opportunity to speak with a retired US Marine Lieutenant General who said, “Management needs to wake up and smell the coffee! US businesses are failing because people are failing. They’re failing because the leaders of corporate America lack the ability to recognize they need to step in and incorporate the human factor into the workplace.”
I found the following definition of leadership on Wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leadership) to clarify it so precisely:
“Leadership is ultimately about creating a way for people to contribute to making something extraordinary happen.” I believe that to do that an effective leader has to get out of his or her comfort zone. Rather than to just say they believe addressing domestic violence is an important issue they have to demonstrate that it is. Sometimes that takes a bit of courage as risking popularity among peers. If you don’t though, where will your organization go? Will it really compete with organizations that have stellar reputations in the community? It’s a challenge to accept, to be sure. And that’s the leader I want to meet at my next networking event.
business · Coaching · company · consulting · domestic abuse · domestic violence in the workplace · domestic violence prevention · employees · employer · lawsuit · leader · leadership development · legal · management · risk · strategic leadership · victim · violence
In January 2010 in Spencer, MA a man facing a foreclosure auction took his own life after shooting and killing his sick wife and their horse, setting fire to their home, and torching his pickup truck.
Advocates voice concerns that vast numbers of women are remaining in abusive relationships out of fear they could not support themselves and their children in the current economic climate.
Studies also show that social support networks may influence DV perpetration and victimization. Women DV survivors typically turn to family and friends for emotional and tangible support, such as temporary housing. The current economic recession may limit the ability of concerned family members and friends to assist DV survivors, resulting in increased strain on battered women’s and homeless shelters and the potential for more DV survivors and their children to experience homelessness. Economic Stress and Domestic Violence by Claire M. Renzetti with contributions from Vivian M. Larkin (September 2009).
In her article posted November 9, 2010, on the link between domestic violence and economic stress Deborah Debare, Executive Director of the Rhode Island Coalition Against Domestic Violence, with whom I had the pleasure of working with when I spoke at their conference in October 2009 said, “We know from experience here in Rhode Island that the numbers of victims of domestic violence are reaching record levels in 2010. And exacerbating the situation is that many of these victims are experiencing multiple challenges in their efforts to get safe, as they have fewer financial resources and more complex social/emotional problems caused in part by the economic stress in their lives.”
An interesting slat to this issue is the confessions of offenders in court mandated domestic violence classes. I have been attending as an observer for over a year now. I attend men’s classes and women’s classes. I’m seeing a lot of varied demographics and family dynamics.
When a person attends their first class they are asked to tell the facilitator (and the group at large) what occurred in the event that led to police arrest and appearance before a judge. Later in during the weeks they attend classes they may also do a “thought report” where they walk through step by step every nuance of the fight.
What I’ve seen are countless instances where the fight brewed over someone coming home hours late, a teenage girl spilling nail polish on a carpet and ignoring the mess while she goes out with friends; leaving her frustrated parents to clean up, or married men’s girlfriends sending gift to the couple’s children.
In other words, I hear a whole host of stories of hurt, frustration, betrayal and irrational thinking. But among them, never a story where the fight brewed over finances.
These offenders are all people who were arrested during a fight where someone was hit, kicked, slapped or possessions where broken. In these instances all the offenders are misdemeanors.
I recently spoke with Amilia Duchon-Voyles, Executive Director of S.W.A.N Domestic Violence Shelter who said, “There are a lot of money issues. No access to money is a key issue for women. “ Amilia went on to retell stories she hears from women in her shelter; such as fights breaking out over money when the abuser wants it to fulfill his drug addiction, or she’s now taking control over the money because she’s now the wage earner if he lost his job. In some cases the woman is trying to create boundaries and he’s resisting them. In other words, Amilia is hearing a lot of the same things at her shelter as I am in the offender groups.
My research of incarcerated offenders, including the experience of working with Tracy Stombres in writing our book Serrated, has shown the same; it’s fights over sometimes the most common and routine issues in a relationship that go completely out of control that result in violence.
My opinion is this: this stress full economic time is not causing more violence. But it’s preventing victims from getting out and severely limiting resources. Anything you can do to help by donating a few dollars or gently used clothes and household goods – or even an hour listening to someone, will mean more to those that need it than you’ll ever know.
bottom line · business · Coaching · company · conflict · consulting · costs · domestic abuse · domestic violence in the workplace · domestic violence prevention · employees · employer · lawsuit · leadership development · legal · management · offender · Personal Safety · relationships · risk · strategic leadership · training · victim · violence
The last couple years were pretty ugly years for corporate training. It certainly got an ugly bitter name after the AIG incident, and others that followed suit. After that, companies were really shaky about spending money on corporate training in fear that that their customers would cry foul and point the finger at their bad taste. In many ways there was solid truth to that, right? I mean after all you have companies cutting back on benefits to consumers, crying poverty, and raising prices while throwing lavish conferences for their employees.
But wait. What if that training was on “people skills”? What if their employees were learning how to treat one another with dignity and learn anti-bullying techniques? Imagine if they were learning how to create workplace environments where it’s safe to come forward and disclose being victimized at home? Suppose it was safe to disclose the realization you are abusing your family? What if you’re in management and now you’re fully prepared to handle those disclosures appropriately and effectively? What if you’ve mitigated a potentially violent act?
This is only a small sampling of some indicators your employee may be a victim of abuse:
- Changes in the employee’s work performance
- Increased absenteeism/arriving to work late
- Being less social
- Asking their significant other/spouse for permission
- No access to money (even those who are employed experience this)
- Phone calls, emails, texts, faxes etc. that seem distressing
- Receiving flowers and gifts at random times
- Significant other/spouse often showing up at the workplace or other locations
It’s O.K. to get help from outside resources. In fact, with an issue of this dynamic, it’s recommended. There is no substitute for the value and benefit you receive from a subject matter expert.
Your leadership domestic violence trainer should be sensitive to the fact that there may be individuals in the audience who have lived with, or are currently living with abuse in one form or another.
There may also be gender issues, life-style choice and other diversity differences that deserve respect.
Training can be live and in-person, via webinar or tele-seminar, both live and recorded formats.
What do you think your customers will think of you now? Money well spent, huh? That sounds a whole lot sweeter to me.