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TAG | Personal Safety



Kudos to Superior Court Judge Susan Brnovich for getting tougher on DV. . In this case, the accused killer of Jamie Laiaddee, Rick Valentini gets 42 years plus an additional 12 for other fraud charges.  Bronovich was the prosecutor in 2002 for Tracy’s case which led to dismal and disappointing sentence

In October of 2010, Tracy and I had the opportunity to speak to a room full of City of Phoenix Prosecutors and they were stunned as well when they learned how lax the sentence was for Tracy’s ex-husband. 

Tracy and I were not passing judgment of our own, nor pointing fingers.  What we expressed to the crowd was a combination problem.  A lack of strong [prosecution mired with restrictions from a judge who appeared to sympathize with Tracy’s ex-husband.  How else would you attempt to explain the judge barring so much impactful and clearly relevant information from being brought to the jury’s attention?  For example, information like her ex-husband’s nearly identical attack with a knife on a former girlfriend?  The very girlfriend who wanted to testify on Tracy’s behalf in support of the prosecution and was not allowed to by the then judge.  The “excited utterance” was also not allowed.  This was the statement Tracy made to the very first person who came in contact with her, the EMT, to whom she said “my husband did this”.  And yet the judge wouldn’t allow the statement since it was uttered beyond two minutes of the attack.  (So by his own rules he’d reinforced the truth that the attack lasted for nearly two hours!)

Serrated is a mind boggling, anger inducing book.  It’s a must read that will propel you to speak out, as we have, to serve justice the way it should be served.

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“It Doesn’t Make Sense and Its Costing Us Millions – A Strategic Domestic Abuse Initiative for Human Resource Professionals” designed for employers, CEOs, CFOs and business owners, has been recertified by the Human Resource Certification Institute (HRCI) for continuing education credits.  The new recertification is for January 1, 2012 – December 31, 2012.

The program, provided by Human Resource Essential, a business that specializes in public speaking, awareness programs and training on domestic violence, is approved for 2.0 Strategic recertification credit hours toward Professional in Human Resources (PHR), Senior Professional in Human Resources (SPHR) and Global Professional in Human Resources (GPHR).

 “This approval validates the need for employers to recognize the human and financial costs of domestic violence, and how to create an environment which will enable employees to come forward for help,” said Stephanie Angelo, owner of Human Resource Essential. “If you’re responsible for state and federal compliance and your business’ bottom line, this program is for you. Lost workdays and lost productivity are known as the biggest siphons of corporate profitability we have. These siphons usually are created by things that are happening outside the workplace. Small changes have the biggest results, and employers are in the unique position to make those changes; simultaneously they must ensure state and federal compliance.”

Family abuse/violence is a subject that is not easily addressed because there are many people who deny its existence or the magnitude. Many people have trouble facing the possibility of having to deal with the serious effects it has on their employees personally and professionally; and that the organization, in turn, pays the price.

This program, available in live and we based versions, illustrates the costs to the business bottom line. Participants leave with a view of cost affected areas, a violence prevention plan, look at case histories and learn how to proactively achieve non-abuse through strategies to create a legally compliant, healthier, safer workforce.

Human Resource Essential’s work saves US companies $7.9 M in lost workdays alone each year, using a comprehensive and strategic method which yields long-term results. 

Clients primarily include insurance companies, financial institutions and retailers. 

As a multiple award-winning expert in domestic violence’s effects on the workplace, Stephanie Angelo, SPHR, ensures participants gain practical ideas and skills which immediately inspire them and increase their ability to address this workplace issue.  Clients report decreased turnover, reductions in workplace incidents, noticeable changes in affected individuals, and

positive changes in corporate culture.

For more information and to schedule training programs with Human Resource Essential, please call (480) 726-9833 or visit



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When I was a little girl, my older brother sometimes pretended to fly like Superman, jumping from couch to chair with a makeshift cape over his shoulders.  I was ten years old the first time I really saw him fly.  That was when my mother’s boyfriend launched him from the living room to the dining room – where he crashed to the floor in a heap.  My brother wasn’t trying to be a superhero, but he was trying to stop this man from hurting our mother.

The boyfriend came and went over the next six years, finally disappearing when I was sixteen. Each time he left my relief was immense. Each time he came back my disappointment was crushing.

My brother and I used to take long walks at night just to get out of the house. I remember one night crunching through snow in five-degree-below-zero weather trying to figure out how we could become emancipated at the ages of twelve and fourteen. Our options looked pretty grim so we dropped the idea and waited for the years to go by till we could be free.

When you’re a kid living with abuse in the home it’s like living on an earth quake’s fault line. You never know when the ground is going to come out from under you. Nothing is safe or secure.  You never know who’s next or what will set it off. You don’t want friends over because something might happen when they’re there.  There’s no one to talk to.  You hold your breath – all the time.  (From my book Battered and Abused, Bringing the Darkness into the Light)

Domestic violence affects every member of the family, including the children. Family violence creates a home environment where children live in constant fear.

Children who witness family violence are affected in ways similar to children who are physically abused. They are often unable to establish nurturing bonds with either parent Children are at greater risk for abuse and neglect if they live in a violent home.

Statistics show that over 3 million children witness violence in their home each year. Those who see and hear violence in the home suffer physically and emotionally.

“Families under stress produce children under stress. If a spouse is being abused and there are children in the home, the children are affected by the abuse.” (Ackerman and Pickering, 1989)

Research shows without question that children will react in different ways.  Variables are due to the child’s gender, age, what they witnessed, if there was someone giving them appropriate love and support, and other factors.  Still children exposed to family violence are more likely to develop social, emotional, psychological and or behavioral problems than those who aren’t.  They experience, lower self-esteem, depression, health issues, growth and development problems.  They may avoid going to school, and once there are often too distracted to do well.  Interviews with teachers has indicated that they are often spending significant time with children with these issues, to the detriment of the other students.

When employers provide resources, support systems and counseling services to their workforce they do a tremendous service to their employees to show they care.  Since often times the workplace is the only possible source of information for an employee who’s every action is monitored by a controlling partner, you can imagine how great it is to be able to find resources for help at the workplace.

Employers who have a qualified Employee Assistance Provider (EAP) in house, or on contract, prove to their employees that they aren’t just blowing smoke in terms of being employee friendly.  They’re walking the talk.  And it comes back to them tenfold in a loyal workforce.  That’s when the employer is the real superhero.

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I like to read the newspaper from cover to cover.  At least to check out the headlines then choose which articles to read.  Yesterday, on the final day of domestic violence Awareness Month, I came across this Letter to the Editor.  It’s written by my friend, Connie Phillips, who is the Executive Director of Sojourner Center, the country’s largest domestic violence shelter, which is right here in Phoenix.

I sent her a congratulatory email, and mentioned that I’d also submitted a letter to the Editor a month ago, which has not yet run.  If it doesn’t, I may just post it here on my Domestic Violence in the Workplace blog.

Check out what a great letter Connie wrote:

Phillips: Law needs to take domestic violence seriously





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That question came up one Saturday morning as I was sitting with a group of about twenty men, all DV offenders who had been mandated by court to attend 26 weeks of classes.  I had been voluntarily joining these classes for 18 months to observe, learn and contribute.  I was enjoying this rare opportunity with the permission of the group leader.

On this particular morning, one of the men was doing a “thought report” where he was explaining in minute detail what had transpired during the fight which led to his arrest.  He admitted that a gun was involved – he said it was his girlfriend’s, and that her friend is the one who’d called police to report the argument; which she’d heard through the telephone.

He proceeded to minimize the intensity of the fight and gripe on and on about how the police stayed outside and wouldn’t come in to help stop the argument.  He called them chicken s—t.

“Wait a minute.”  I said.  “You have to look at it from the Police perspective.  They have no idea what they’re getting themselves into.  They have no idea how many guns, or what type, or where you are in the house.  Anything could happen, and Police are killed more often in DV calls than any other type.  Period.”

The men stopped to look at me.  There was a silence that would shake anyone’s confidence.  And then about 10 of them started talking.  “Yeah, you’re right” one said.   “Never thought of it that way”, said another.  “Oh, yea, there was that time when…”  And on it went.  It was good.  That’s partly what those classes are for.  To help the offenders, men and women both, to learn to see the bigger picture of a world beyond themselves; to take accountability for their actions and to see the ripple effect of consequences from their behavior.

I hope every one of them saw the article below that appeared on our paper the other day.  I hope they never think of these situations the same way again. 

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(That was pretty puny…)

OK.  Let me start with this:  I am NOT calling out anyone on their personal choices.  It’s just a perfect time to make a play on the whole Cupid thing; and that there are relationships that just shouldn’t happen.

The whole idea of cupid is that there’s this cute little cherub with a bow and arrow.  He/she/it would fire away at a couple unsuspecting souls and ping!  They’d be in love with each other!  But where was the dating and taking time (lots of it) to really make sure the other person was a respectful individual, capable of a long term healthy relationship?  There wasn’t.  That’s all well and good in fantasy land, but not in real life.

In my book Battered and Abused – Bringing the Darkness into the Light, I had asked women to submit stories about their abusive relationships.  (The book also contains national resources and information about abusive relationships).

Men – before you get up in arms about the fact that there are no men’s stories about how they were in relationships with abusive women, let me tell you this:  I distributed the same request for stories letter to men as I did to women, all within the same week.  The letter stated I was working on a deadline and the due date for stories.  Not one man submitted his.  But they had equal chance to be heard and included.

What I have included below is just the beginning of each woman’s  story to give the sense of how insidiously all this starts.

Gayle’s Story

Domestic abuse is more common than you think.  I was a victim of such abuse in my first marriage. He was too smart to ever hit me because that would leave a mark. Instead I was verbally abused and threatened on a daily basis with such things as being incarcerated in a mental institution for such things asking him for money to help pay the bills. He was also obsessed with guns and wouldn’t even go to corner store without having a loaded gun hidden underneath the car seat.  He also used to brag about brandishing his gun at other drivers, and loved to video tape himself in full camouflage firing all his guns.  What finally made me leave was coming upon a stash of rifles that I didn’t know he had. A friend suggested that I should get out before he decided to use one of them on me.

Anyway, I divorced him and I came back to Phoenix. I virtually went underground for the first year or so that I was back. And would you believe that even now, after seven years, a new, (and terrific) husband and new last name, there is still a part of me that is worried that he may be able to find me again.  I know the odds are low, but I don’t think you ever really get over that kind of fear. I was lucky in that I had a family to help me out, but not all women are so lucky.

Dawn’s Story

Here’s where my story begins.

After dropping out of college, and at the age of 20, I moved into an apartment with a friend. I was working two full time jobs in order to pay all of my new found adult world bills. One of my jobs was bartending at a local club, where I met my “cool new boyfriend”. Not only was he a musician in the house band, but he was older, by 16 years, and “experienced”. Our relationship started off like any other. We dated, then it turned exclusive, and then we moved in together. Everything was great, until the day it happened. We got into an argument, and he slapped me so hard that I lost my balance.

You see, growing up, I would see movies about domestic violence, and I would hear stories, and I would always say to my friends “if a guy ever hit me he’d be out the door so fast he wouldn’t know what to do.” But that didn’t happen. He said he was sorry. He said he loved me. He said it wouldn’t happen again

(more in the book)

Jennifer’s Story

In 2000 I was at the top of my game.  I was a proud mother of two, post-divorce, and doing well at my career.  I had been quickly promoted to National Sales Manager of a nursing publication.  The day after Thanksgiving I went shopping to kick off the holiday season and then stopped at a trendy local bakery to buy brioche for the next morning’s French toast.  At the counter I met the Operations Manager and we chatted over ciabatta instead of brioche.  He was handsome, funny and at-ease with himself.  He made me giggle, blush and feel tingly inside.  I was instantly attracted to his charm and when he offered to give me his number instead of asking for mine, I was very impressed.  I was mad about him after just one meeting over loaves of bread.  We started dating and he did amazing things that swept me off my feet.  Like clockwork, he brought me two dozen flowers every Monday when he appeared at my high-rise office in downtown Phoenix to take me to lunch.  He was sweet, attentive, loving and supportive.  He wowed me with stories of his troubled childhood and impressed me with how far he’d come.  I was in love and emotionally invested.  He convinced me that we were special, that we were lucky to have found each other in such a difficult world.  We had lived in some of the same cities and were born only miles from each other.  We talked at length of how we were destined for one another and the relationship seemed very magical.

On Valentine’s Day 2001 he proposed to me with a 6 carat Sapphire ring.  When we had discussed getting engaged he mentioned to me that he wanted a ring so large that people could see it from across the street.  He said he wanted the world to know that I was taken.  I was naïve. I thought it was sweet and I was flattered.  I now know that it was classic control rooting from a very unhealthy place. (more in the book)


According to Wikipidia (  Cupid figures prominently in ariel poetry, lyrics and, of course, elegiac love and metamorphic poetry. In epic poetry, he is less often invoked, but he does appear in Virgil‘s Aeneid changed into the shape of Ascanius inspiring Dido’s love. In later literature, Cupid is frequently invoked as fickle, playful, and perverse. He is often depicted as carrying two sets of arrows: one set gold-headed, which inspire love; and the other lead-headed, which inspire hatred.

Have you ever thought about how Valentine’s Day (VD) and Domestic Violence (DV) are opposites in every way?  Maybe we should send our Unicorn after that mischievous Cupid and have him just fling that bow and arrow right out of his hands.

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In January 2010 in Spencer, MA a man facing a foreclosure auction took his own life after shooting and killing his sick wife and their horse, setting fire to their home, and torching his pickup truck.

Advocates voice concerns that vast numbers of women are remaining in abusive relationships out of fear they could not support themselves and their children in the current economic climate.

Studies also show that social support networks may influence DV perpetration and victimization. Women DV survivors typically turn to family and friends for emotional and tangible support, such as temporary housing. The current economic recession may limit the ability of concerned family members and friends to assist DV survivors, resulting in increased strain on battered women’s and homeless shelters and the potential for more DV survivors and their children to experience homelessness. Economic Stress and Domestic Violence by Claire M. Renzetti with contributions from Vivian M. Larkin (September 2009).

In her article posted November 9, 2010, on the link between domestic violence and economic stress Deborah Debare, Executive Director of the Rhode Island Coalition Against Domestic Violence, with whom I had the pleasure of working with when I spoke at their conference in October 2009 said,We know from experience here in Rhode Island that the numbers of victims of domestic violence are reaching record levels in 2010.  And exacerbating the situation is that many of these victims are experiencing multiple challenges in their efforts to get safe, as they have fewer financial resources and more complex social/emotional problems caused in part by the economic stress in their lives.”

An interesting slat to this issue is the confessions of offenders in court mandated domestic violence classes.  I have been attending as an observer for over a year now.  I attend men’s classes and women’s classes.  I’m seeing a lot of varied demographics and family dynamics.

When a person attends their first class they are asked to tell the facilitator (and the group at large) what occurred in the event that led to police arrest and appearance before a judge.  Later in during the weeks they attend classes they may also do a “thought report” where they walk through step by step every nuance of the fight.

What I’ve seen are countless instances where the fight brewed over someone coming home hours late, a teenage girl spilling nail polish on a carpet and ignoring the mess while she goes out with friends; leaving her frustrated parents to clean up, or married men’s girlfriends sending gift to the couple’s children.

In other words, I hear a whole host of stories of hurt, frustration, betrayal and irrational thinking.  But among them, never a story where the fight brewed over finances.

These offenders are all people who were arrested during a fight where someone was hit, kicked, slapped or possessions where broken.  In these instances all the offenders are misdemeanors.

I recently spoke with Amilia Duchon-Voyles, Executive Director of S.W.A.N Domestic Violence Shelter who said, “There are a lot of money issues.  No access to money is a key issue for women. “  Amilia went on to retell stories she hears from women in her shelter; such as fights breaking out over money when the abuser wants it to fulfill his drug addiction, or she’s now taking control over the money because she’s now the wage earner if he lost his job.  In some cases the woman is trying to create boundaries and he’s resisting them.  In other words, Amilia is hearing a lot of the same things at her shelter as I am in the offender groups.

My research of incarcerated offenders, including the experience of working with Tracy Stombres in writing our book Serrated, has shown the same; it’s fights over sometimes the most common and routine issues in a relationship that go completely out of control that result in violence.

My opinion is this:  this stress full economic time is not causing more violence.  But it’s preventing victims from getting out and severely limiting resources.  Anything you can do to help by donating a few dollars or gently used clothes and household goods – or even an hour listening to someone, will mean more to those that need it than you’ll ever know.

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October is a huge month for recognition.  It’s Breast Cancer Awareness Month.  My own mother had breast cancer in the 1970’s.  It was a rarely spoken of disease then.  Now breast cancer is getting the recognition, funding and research it deserves.  Survival rates are better all the time because early detection techniques have improved.  There is still a long way to go.

It’s also National Domestic Violence Awareness Month. And you don’t hear much about that unless you’re “in the industry” for the most part.

Domestic violence should be getting a lot more attention.  I think it will over time as my colleagues and I continue to pursue advocacy, education and resolution to this social ill.

And it is an “ill”. Certainly a social one; and in many ways a mental one.  It’s complex and comes in numerous forms, the causes of which are many.  Similar, metaphorically speaking that is, to breast cancer.

How about we make a few more comparisons, because it may help you to realize how prevalent domestic violence is and how desperately we need to end it.

Comparison #1

How many women get breast cancer?

The American Cancer Society’s most recent estimates for breast cancer in the United States for 2010 says that there will be about 207,090 new cases of invasive breast cancer in women.

The chance of a woman having invasive breast cancer some time during her life is a little less than one in eight.

How many women will “get” domestic violence?

Yet the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence says one in every four women will experience domestic violence in her lifetime.

An estimated 1.3 million women are victims of physical assault by an intimate partner each year.

85% of domestic violence victims are women.

Comparison #2

Deaths from breast cancer:

About 39,840 deaths from breast cancer (women)

Deaths from domestic violence:

National Coalition Against Domestic Violence’s web site shows almost one-third of female homicide victims that are reported in police records are killed by an intimate partner.

And the Family Violence Prevention Fund reports; on average more than three women a day are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends in the United States.

Comparison #3

Breast Cancer Treatment

According to Cedars Sinai : The choice of treatment depends on the patient’s age and general health and the type and stage of cancer. The stage is determined by the size of the tumor and whether it is localized in the breast, has reached the lymph nodes of the armpit (axilla) or has spread (metastasized) to the liver, brain, lungs or bones.

A woman diagnosed with breast cancer has to take the expertise from her oncologist and listen to her own instincts when choosing treatment.  It boils down to a woman has to decide for herself; is she willing to be aggressive with chemotherapy, surgery, or oral medicines.  There are a lot of choices – and it’s frightening to decide.  She can only do it when she’s ready – although sooner is far better than later.

Domestic Violence “Treatment”

When a woman finally comes to terms with the fact that she’s a victim of intimate partner abuse she’s offered choices.  They may consist of counseling, legal assistance, shelters, Orders of Protection (or injunctions), hotlines to call, advocates to speak with, workplace assistance e.g. schedule or location changes, friends to talk with and so on.  There are a lot of choices – and it’s frightening to decide.  She can only do it when she’s ready – although sooner is far better than later.

Sound familiar?

Comparison #4

Workplace costs
CDC says of BC:  Maintaining a healthier workforce can lower direct costs such as insurance premiums and worker’s compensation claims. It will also positively impact many indirect costs such as absenteeism and worker productivity.

(Isn’t that the same thing we say of DV?)

Domestic Violence

(FVPF) The annual cost of lost productivity due to domestic violence is estimated as $727.8 million,

with over 7.9 million paid workdays lost each year.

The costs of intimate partner violence exceed $5.8 billion each year, $4.1 billion of which is for

direct medical and mental health care services, xii much of which is paid for by the employer.

Comparison #5

No one wants to talk about “it”.

According to an interview I once read of Nancy Brinkman, the Founder of the Susan G. Koman Race for the Cure, when her late sister, Susan, was first diagnosed with breast cancer in the early 1980’s, ect.  the subject was so taboo that people would even avoid he sister in grocery stores thinking they would “catch it”.

Now we can talk about it.  We know it’s not contagious.

I wish I could remember where I read this to give it the attribution it deserves; but recently I saw a blog that commented that while we’re seeing pink splashed all over common products like shampoo, yogurt, pens and all things visible, we are not seeing purple colored products saturating the market.  It’d be a great idea though – wouldn’t it?  Imagine renaming October to Pink and Purple Month – you can recognize both issues the way they deserve.

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Local Women Publish Harrowing True Account of Domestic Violence

Serrated – A True Story of Survival, Recovery and the Pursuit of Justice

PHOENIX, AZ – Her father died of an overdose when she was two.  Unable to cope with the loss, her mother turned to drugs and alcohol, leaving Tracy in the care of grandparents.  Nothing in Tracy’s life was easy or normal.  Homeless as a teenager, she became a stripper to support herself.  When Frank sweeps her off her feet she can finally have the life she’d been aching for.  She didn’t know about his controlling and abusive personality.

What happens to Tracy then is so horrifying that your urge to set down the book, and catch your breath will be overcome by your need to read what happens next.Tracy cuts to the chase in this true crime memoir.  She’s honest and straight-forward as only a woman who has survived this kind of trauma can be.

Together, Tracy Stombres and Stephanie Angelo have written an emotional roller-coaster, true crime memoir and have released it in conjunction with National Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

No stranger to family abuse from her own past life, Stephanie Angelo is an award winning consultant and trainer who pioneered a proprietary financial model to determine the impact of domestic abuse on businesses; having a positive ripple effect to every aspect of the company.  Her business, Human Resource Essential, is listed on the Family Violence Prevention Fund web site as a National Workplace Resource.  She was just awarded the Arizona Coalition Against Domestic Violence Desert Sunflower Award for Allies in the Community.

Stombres and Angelo are holding book signings and presentations to Phoenix Prosecutors, Law Enforcement and Advocates.  A portion of proceeds are earmarked for the opening of Vina’s Place Domestic Violence Shelter.  Additional proceeds are intended to benefit domestic violence services throughout Arizona. To arrange a presentation, book signing, or fund raiser, contact Stephanie Angelo at (480) 726-9833.  Further information on Serrated is available on Amazon and Barnes and Noble web sites.

Stephanie Angelo


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I’m one of those people that always have dark circles under my eyes.  First of all, I have some Mediterranean heritage so it comes with the territory.  Secondly, I never get enough sleep.  There’s always something bouncing around inside my head keeping me up.  (Some say sleep is over-rated, but seriously, after awhile it’d be nice to catch up on zzzzzsss)  But I digress.  So a couple months ago when I had my head shots re-done I had an opportunity to have a professional makeup artist, Mary, “do my face”.  The results, if you’ve seen my new pix, are really nice.  What made it so great was not only Mary’s expert hand, but the fact that she custom blended the colors for my under-eye concealer and foundation.

That was a first for me.  I’ve spent hundreds and hundreds of dollars over the years trying to find close color matches when I bought makeup at drugs stores and department stores.  I found great makeup a lot of times, but it never quite blended with my skin tones.

The next time I needed foundation and concealer I called Mary.  She recreated the custom blends for the makeup; put the concealer in a little jar and the foundation in a bottle.  This truly was my makeup. And when I wear it, it feels so right.  It works so much better.  And those blends would not be as perfect for anyone else.

Workplace domestic violence policies are no different.  Companies across the U.S., if they even have a policy at all, usually have a Workplace Violence Policy.  They believe it will cover their needs for a domestic violence policy when all they’ve really done is covered up a problem, and not very well.  Unless you have a comprehensive domestic violence policy you are only concealing the problem and you are not fully or realistically, addressing it.

Some elements that should be in a comprehensive domestic violence policy:

  • the organization’s moral and ethical stance on domestic violence;
  • what the roles and responsibilities of various levels and divisions of management are;
  • guidance for employees who are victims;
  • language to address offenders and co-workers who assist them;
  • corrective and disciplinary action;
  • local and national resources;
  • applicable state laws and how the organization will comply;
  • other applicable company policies

Like my make-up, the concept of things made just for you is probably appealing.  Think of the success Burger King® has had with “Have It Your Way”, custom fabricated golf clubs, cowboy boots, and any of the other hundreds of things that are specially designed for the user.  A domestic violence policy is no different and has the capability to do so much more than just feel right.

Benefits of a comprehensive Domestic Violence Policy

(If these look familiar you’ve probably seen my brochures and web site)

  • Reduce time on employee issues
  • Mitigate negligent retention/negligent hiring
  • Improve corporate image
  • Improve lives and safety of employees
  • Strengthen legal defense & reduce legal fees
  • Increase EAP utilization
  • Create a safe environment

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